ICJ vs The Chess

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

1. d4.....Nc6
2. Nf3....g6
3. b3....b6
4. Bb2...Bh6
5. e4...f6
6. Nd2...Bg5
7. Bd3...Nh6
8. Nxg5...fxg5
9. d5...Nb4

[Grocer]

Your last move was missing the required witty banter. For this you will be punished.

1. d4.....Nc6
2. Nf3....g6
3. b3....b6
4. Bb2...Bh6
5. e4...f6
6. Nd2...Bg5
7. Bd3...Nh6
8. Nxg5...fxg5
9. d5...Nb4
10. Bxh8

The punishment will not be on the chess board, but administered in the form of random you tube clips.



[youtube][/youtube]

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I know who you are, Grocer. I know who you are.

I can't find my phone for the board map, but I'll find it by the time I get into work tomorrow. You'll have your update and your new move then!

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

OK, here is the game:

1. d4.....Nc6
2. Nf3....g6
3. b3....b6
4. Bb2...Bh6
5. e4...f6
6. Nbd2...Bg5
7. Bd3...Nh6
8. Nxg5...fxg5
9. d5...Nb4
10. Bxh8...Ba6

And here is a site that has helped me with positions. For instance, I had the game copied wrong, which is why I didn't move my rook. I really struggle with maintaining an accurate representation of the board. I should get a chess set. =(

http://www.chesslab.com/PositionSearch.html

[AArdvark]

RE: random youtube clips as punishment = GENIUS!




THE
64 SQUARES
OF COMEDY
AARDVARK

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

It was a fair and deserving punishment. I should be able to do this faster with that link up above. Keeping the game on my phone was okay, but if I miss a move somewhere, it sucks. Just copying and pasting the move list somewhere is much, much better!

[Grocer]

1. d4.....Nc6
2. Nf3....g6
3. b3....b6
4. Bb2...Bh6
5. e4...f6
6. Nbd2...Bg5
7. Bd3...Nh6
8. Nxg5...fxg5
9. d5...Nb4
10. Bxh8...Ba6
11. Bxa6

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I shall be getting back into this today!

[Grocer]

[youtube][/youtube]

[pinback]

I shall be getting back into this today!

We all know what your next move is going to be, go ahead and do it!

[AArdvark]

GENIUS! GENIUS I SAY!




THE
LAUGH MY ASS OFF
AARDVARK



(p.s. Jones, take your time with the chess game, I want to see more!)

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I am going to PASTE THIS GUY IN THE ASS.

1. d4 Nc6
2. Nf3 g6
3. b3 b6
4. Bb2 Bh6
5. e4 f6
6. Nbd2 Bg5
7. Bd3 Nh6
8. Nxg5 fxg5
9. d5 Nb4
10. Bxh8 Ba6
11. Bxa6 Nxa6

(I had to reformat it this way so the link up above would work.)

(Which means I don't need to use my phone no more.)

(Which means I can play properly now.)

[Grocer]

1. d4 Nc6
2. Nf3 g6
3. b3 b6
4. Bb2 Bh6
5. e4 f6
6. Nbd2 Bg5
7. Bd3 Nh6
8. Nxg5 fxg5
9. d5 Nb4
10. Bxh8 Ba6
11. Bxa6 Nxa6
12. Bg7

[pinback]

More the chess, please.

[pinback]

I believe a player can only promote whatever chess pieces are off the board. This could be wrong.

This is wrong.

[pinback]

I have a The Chess question.

Last night, the iPhone promoted a pawn. It chose a knight instead of a queen. Is that common? Do people do that? It never occurred to me to choose anything other than a queen.

The only time I can think that you'd promote to a knight is in the case where it instantly causes checkmate, or otherwise leads directly to a forced checkmate. Like:

(lower case is black, upper case is white)

Code: Select all

.  .  .  .  .  .  n  r
.  .  .  .  .  P  .  k
.  .  .  .  .  .  .  p
.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .
.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .
.  .  B  .  .  .  .  .
.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .
K  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

In this case, white could play f8N++, promoting to a knight and instantly winning.

This is how I like my steaks. Very rare.

[pinback]

Chess is the least sexist game of all-time

Unless you are a pro, in which case there's a women's group and a men's group, and never the twain shall meet (either on the chess board, or in real life.)

[pinback]

I would also like pinback to add any "??" or "!!" notes to the transcript as he sees fit.

??

Okay, here goes (and keep in mind, I am not a very good chess player. Flack's description of himself also fits me):

1. d4 Nc6
2. Nf3 g6
3. b3 b6
4. Bb2 Bh6?
Bg7 is better. Bh6 in this case is deadly, because if Grocer replied d5, you'd either lose the knight on c6, or the exposed, undefended rook at h8.

5. e4 f6?
Moving f pawn is for experts only. You are not an expert, and by doing this, 1) potentially exposed your king to attack, and 2) blocked your knight from coming out.

6. Nbd2 Bg5?
The opening is about developing your pieces, getting them out there into the fray. You have only developed two pieces, moving your bishop twice, while on the next move, white will have developed his fourth piece. Also, the bishop was already doing fine on h6, moving him to g5 does very little (except expose him to being traded if white wants.)

7. Bd3 Nh6?
Well, you've developed him, but to the side, where he does much less good than he might have otherwise. The opening is also about putting pressure on the center, from which good things happen, rather than the side, from where gay things happen. Also, white still has that lingering threat, which I see from the transcript, he is about to take advantage of.

8. Nxg5 fxg5
9. d5 Nb4??
You have to give up either the knight for a pawn, or lose the rook outright. Rooks are more valuable than knights, so you gave up the wrong one, and don't even get the pawn in trade.

10. Bxh8 Ba6?
You are way behind in material now, so the thing you don't want to do is trade away the material you have left. Which you just did.

11. Bxa6 Nxa6
12. Bg7

Let's see what happens!

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

1. d4 Nc6
2. Nf3 g6
3. b3 b6
4. Bb2 Bh6
5. e4 f6
6. Nbd2 Bg5
7. Bd3 Nh6
8. Nxg5 fxg5
9. d5 Nb4
10. Bxh8 Ba6
11. Bxa6 Nxa6
12. Bg7 Ng4

Look, I'm going to be honest. It ain't looking good for the black pieces at this point.

[Grocer]

1. d4 Nc6
2. Nf3 g6
3. b3 b6
4. Bb2 Bh6
5. e4 f6
6. Nbd2 Bg5
7. Bd3 Nh6
8. Nxg5 fxg5
9. d5 Nb4
10. Bxh8 Ba6
11. Bxa6 Nxa6
12. Bg7 Ng4
13. Qxg4