My (heavily redacted) Adventures on OKCupid

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:01 am

Will update later!

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:18 am

I am looking forward to reading this!

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 11:07 pm

I'd love to write it!

The problem is, one of the adventures is as of right now, sleeping in my bed. So it'll have to wait...

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:05 am

RetroRomper wrote:I'd love to write it!

The problem is, one of the adventures is as of right now, sleeping in my bed. So it'll have to wait...

pix plz

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 7:29 pm

Fuck it, I'll take over this thread. I'm not gonna write about anyone I became a friend with, anyone who I probably hurt, nor my girlfriend, but everyone else is fair game. So let's fast forward over the first two girls I met and go to the third girl I met.

(And this was all years ago.)

This particular girl was a tall blonde whose voice sounded like she was a heavy smoker. I am not saying that is a bad thing! We went on a first date at some restaurant near where she lived.

(I was doing two things that I ended up not bothering with: I booked the first date at a restaurant, and I tried to find a place to eat in their town. Finding a place near their homes to be polite went completely unnoticed and unspoken.)

She brought me back to her place afterwards and we watched the Nuggets game. SHE kissed ME at the end and I left, figuring I'd see her next weekend.

I saw her next weekend, we were gonna go to a movie and then have dinner. She broke off the dinner part after the movie, so I figured she was not having a good time. This feeling was correct! I dropped her back off at her place and drove home, figuring I'd never see her again. (There wasn't any chemistry on the second date. And by that I mean she wasn't interested in me.)

She sent me a text telling me what a great guy I am but she didn't want to see me again as I was driving home. I think I swerved into the wrong lane when I got it. This sort of rejection was quite new to me after a long layoff.

That being said, I eventually learned there's no "good" way to tell someone you never, ever want to see them again. I eventually did some of it myself, only not with a text message literally three minutes after the person left.

Tdarcos · Post by **Tdarcos** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 7:03 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:This feeling was correct! I dropped her back off at her place and drove home, figuring I'd never see her again. (There wasn't any chemistry on the second date. And by that I mean she wasn't interested in me.)

Personally I think the number is 3. If you don't get laid by the third date, you never will. The first woman I ever got to take to a motel to have sex with - whom I met over the Internet - had such an instant chemistry with me that she probably would have gone to bed with me on the first date if it wasn't for the fact she had to take her son to North Carolina so that he and the girl he had met over the Internet could go to a motel and have sex. (The girlfriend lived in North Carolina, apparently her son didn't have a driver's license, so I think that he was probably 16 or 17.)

We ended up going to a motel on the second date. I remember it as the first time I had sex. Wednesday, July 19, 1995, at 2:31 PM, Eastern Daylight Time. I was 34 years old.

----
Saw a psychic
In LA
Just the other day...
- Dionne Warwick (hostess of the "Psychic Friends Network" infomercial), Love Power

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 8:07 am

I only know one person who has done online dating. My friend Jeff met his (now wife) over the Internet. At the time, he was living in Oklahoma, she was living in Wyoming, and I was living in Washington. I invited Jeff to come visit me in Washington and they turned it into a date. I guess they hit it off because the two of them slept on my couch together, and it wasn't a fold out. The two of them got married a year or two later and have been happily married ever since!

Peality check · Post by **Peality check** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 8:20 am

Tdarcos wrote:Personally I think the number is 3. If you don't get laid by the third date, you never will. The first woman I ever got to take to a motel to have sex with - whom I met over the Internet - had such an instant chemistry with me that she probably would have gone to bed with me on the first date if it wasn't for the fact she had to take her son to North Carolina so that he and the girl he had met over the Internet could go to a motel and have sex. (The girlfriend lived in North Carolina, apparently her son didn't have a driver's license, so I think that he was probably 16 or 17.)

We ended up going to a motel on the second date. I remember it as the first time I had sex. Wednesday, July 19, 1995, at 2:31 PM, Eastern Daylight Time. I was 34 years old.

----
Saw a psychic
In LA
Just the other day...
- Dionne Warwick (hostess of the "Psychic Friends Network" infomercial), Love Power

That's the saddest story I've ever read, I'm so sorry. It should be a movie, something like a cross between Napoleon Dynamite, Supersize Me, and of course the 40 year old virgin.

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 2:22 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Fuck it, I'll take over this thread.

So last Thursday (the 23rd) I went out on a routine date - trip, dinner, a bit of hand holding and all that. Except the date hasn't ended: we've been more or less inseparable since then.

This leaves me in the position of being loathe to actually write about a date I assumed was going to be either...

1) A total disaster
2) Luke warm
3) A reach around?

Instead for the last week, I've been on a long, continuous romp of physicality and mild emotional investment which has been punctuated by video games, movies, and the odd event of genuinely enjoying the company of another.

In short, as soon as this thing ends and I gain some perspective, I'll write up an amusing story (which so far, I'm finding hilarious). But I need perspective to do that, which is currently in short supply.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 8:10 am

Yeah, you don't want to blog about the person you're currently seeing. That never works well, the other person eventually finds out, and that breeds resentment.

Well look, we'll all be here in this thread waiting and ready to take you back if she brandishes a knife or something unexpectedly.

That time period where you're getting to know someone and really connecting is the best thing on earth, isn't it? I'm happy for you, buddy.

Gheeality check · Post by **Gheeality check** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 11:12 am

RR's dating? There goes his extreme diet and all of his extra free time for working out. Only someone single can keep up that kind of regimen.

Tdarcos · Post by **Tdarcos** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 11:57 am

Gheeality check wrote:RR's dating? There goes his extreme diet and all of his extra free time for working out. Only someone single can keep up that kind of regimen.

What to you mean, "free time for working out"? Unless he's stupid, I presume he's working out. With her. Horizontally. Sex is a great form of exercise and lots of fun.

And by "unless he's stupid" I mean that if you're seeing a woman presumably you're fucking her unless you're stupid and not getting nookie.

I remember how the guys on the newsgroup "alt.seduction.fast" have said that you should not be dating a woman or spending money on her unless she wets your cock on a regular basis.

Which, personally I think isn't a bad idea. If you're dating a woman you're already in a sexual relationship with, she doesn't have to wonder if you're giving her things to get stuff out of her; she's already fucking you so when you give her something it's because you like her, not because you want to bribe her into screwing you.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:55 pm

Well, that's insane.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:20 pm

It's amazing he's single.

I mean, assuming you count all his personalities as one person.

hapticA · Post by **hapticA** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:55 pm

I've been brandishing a lot of things at RR but have yet to go for a knife. Most recently there was a rusty spork. Most often I've been brandishing my breasts.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Yeah, you don't want to blog about the person you're currently seeing. That never works well, the other person eventually finds out, and that breeds resentment.

(I apologize if that quote didn't work. I am not a techie and RR doesn't give instruction very well. He's quite adept at taking it though...)

Perhaps it's my masochistic streak or sheer vanity but I really want RR to do a follow up post. However, he seems to hold on to this illusion that whatever this is, it's still controllable. To which I reply, "have you met me?"

Here's what I would like: extreme peer pressure from you all (all of my tricks have not worked... well, not all of them but it seems a bit early to pull out the big guns...) He has promised to respond to this as soon as I post it. Let the communal, symbiotic evisceration begin!

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:11 pm

hapticA wrote:I've been brandishing a lot of things at RR but have yet to go for a knife. Most recently there was a rusty spork. Most often I've been brandishing my breasts.

For the record, I really do prefer the breasts though I'm well aware of the combat knife you keep under your bed.

hapticA wrote: However, he seems to hold on to this illusion that whatever this is, it's still controllable. To which I reply, "have you met me?"

Controllable implies expectations or even a modicum of thought beyond already mentioned breasts (which I appear to stare at with an odd amount of content whenever were in the same room).

hapticA wrote:Let the communal, symbiotic evisceration begin!

She also describes sex as "symbiotic evisceration," kissing as "literary deconstruction," and spooning as "composite exchange."

DATE SO FAR - TWO OUT OF FIVE STARS
Verdict - WOULD NOT DATE AGAIN

hapticanimal · Post by **hapticanimal** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:21 pm

Should I be concerned that the most frequent phrase uttered in our "relationship" is "I will cut you!"?

The combat knife is for your protection.

Date so far- 1 out of 10
Verdict- Say goodbye to RR

(RR- You're just jealous of my super sexy vocabulary. Look! Boobs!)

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:29 pm

hapticA wrote:Here's what I would like: extreme peer pressure from you all (all of my tricks have not worked... well, not all of them but it seems a bit early to pull out the big guns...) He has promised to respond to this as soon as I post it. Let the communal, symbiotic evisceration begin!

I understand. I support your decision. I would like to say, however, that this is a bad place. This is not a place of honor. Not because of me, mind you, but because of the rest of these pre-dignity psychopaths that smell blood in the water.

I'd like to welcome you to this website and express apologies at anything you might see here.

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:34 pm

hapticanimal wrote:Should I be concerned that the most frequent phrase uttered in our "relationship" is "I will cut you!"?

I'm far more afraid of the quotes around the word relationship, as I'll have to mentally wade through the last week of our adventures and travails to properly understand exactly what you mean (and if I get it wrong, you'll "cut me" as it were).

habticanimal wrote:The combat knife is for your protection.

No doubt it is, though I'm still under the impression that at some point, I'll be skinned and tucked under your floor boards. Maybe that is after the fourth date when you decide you "really like me?"

hapticanimal wrote:Date so far- 1 out of 10
Verdict- Say goodbye to RR

She literally slapped me across the head for giving our date "two out of five stars." I'm still not sure if her random physical acts of aggression, mean she likes me or that I'm just the softest thing available for her to pummel.

hapticanimal wrote:(RR- You're just jealous of my super sexy vocabulary. Look! Boobs!)

You could have at least pretended to brandish them at me: instead I'm left with a dull ache in my forehead.

hapticanimal · Post by **hapticanimal** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:41 pm

Thank you kindly, Ice Cream Jonsey. As I type RR is prepping what I'm sure will prove to be a weak attempt at dishonoring me.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I would like to say, however, that this is a bad place.

I'm assuming you have not been to RR's place. HazMat suit a must.

Just to be absolutely clear, I'm the girl RR is currently stringing along in the vain attempt to be able to say that he traded up (way, way up.) (That's gonna get me in trouble. I really am a masochist...)[/quote]