Ask me about Inpatient Psychiatric care!

[The Happiness Engine]

When I was a kid my mom used to take me to the beauty college to get haircuts. The upside was that haircuts were $3 (mom would give me a $5; the tip was the change). The downside was, I spent 10+ years of my youth with crooked bangs.

Would you say time spent in a teaching hospital is comparable? I.E, affordable, but with questionable levels of care (and/or uniforms, apparently).

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no base of reference. This was my first time in a psych unit either as a patient or visitor. My previous maximum hospital stay was ~8 hours while they waited for the results of a blood test ("Huh...Your blood test looks good, so I guess you're free to go.")

This is a 32 bed unit, the teaching portion means that there's a couple extra staff available on the floor, but they will be a mix of "Mary Sue Protagonist Nurse from the TV", "I get paid to sit in this chair, don't ask me", and "How do I hand out the lunch trays?"

This is also a short-term care facility, so the main focus is on calming you down, diagnosing your issues, and shipping you out to whatever your next step is: Anywhere from 'walk on out the door' to 'long term / more restrictive unit' to 'you have incurable dementia, your guardians are putting you out to pasture while your mind rots.' I feel like a typical stay could be 3 days to 3 weeks, mine was 7 days, which feels average: out of ~25 patients when I arrived, perhaps 4-5 were still there out of 22 or 23 full beds when I was released.

Pajama tops and bottoms seemed to only come in "Large" and "Bigger". I am 5'10" and rail-thin and I looked like a '70s lothario of chest hair, but put that same thing on a 4'10" 85lb girl and oh my...

Affordability is Not My Problem: I have a disgustingly good health care plan and a decent job. So far it looks like my portion for the inpatient stay will be zero. The question of placement has nothing to do with the facility and everywhere to do with location. I was picked up by the ambulance that covers where I was and taken to the nearest hospital, which transferred me to this unit at an affiliated hospital due to lack of beds (maybe even they don't even have one of these units where I first ended up, who knows.) I'm sure ambulance bills and whatnot will arrive in a few months and want what they normally do, but I can deal with that when it comes.

I would describe the overall experience as "Mormon Prison". You can't leave, there is a whole list of things you can't/shouldn't do, but everyone is either pretty nice or too wrapped up in their own problems to bother you. No one cares where you sit at lunch, no one 'controls' the common areas, but you will eat dinner at 5pm, and you will sit and stare at the walls from 3 until 4 unless you have the fortune to have visitors bring you books and/or find someone interested in talking to you.

In general, if you have a public freak-out bad enough that the cops get called, but no one wants to deal with or can't really come up with a reason to arrest you, you'll get sedated if warranted and transported to a facility in this class until they work out what to do with you. In my case it was "released into outpatient care and a whole shit-fuck of paperwork and appointments."

P.S. 5 days of librium will knock the fuck out of any alcohol withdrawal symptoms, so that was a nice bonus.

[AArdvark]

All I can see in my head is "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".

How close to that are we talking here?


Man, this BBS is getting more interesting by the WEEK! Hope it's not a root cause or anything.


THE
UNDERLYING
AARDVARK

[The Happiness Engine]

All I can see in my head is "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".

How close to that are we talking here?

Nothing at all like that! There are maybe 3 classes of patients:
1] People who suffer a temporary meltdown, and now need various amounts of help/drugs to get their life back together
2] Poor people who could live perfectly normal lives if they could get regular access to the treatments they need (depression, anxiety, etc.). These people would be in the 1st group if they were middle class, but instead have to scratch by the best they can and sometimes have to intentionally commit themselves to get the treatment they need.*
3] People who just are not able to function in the outside world and need some level of permanent care. This is rare, I saw maybe 1-3 of these.

The staff is also divided into 3 tiers:
Doctors: They have degrees and salaries. They will check in on you daily for a small amount of time depending on how bad you are. You can request to talk to them anytime and they will come by if they are available. Your Social Worker also falls into this category, only probably without the cash.
Registered Nurses: They mainly stay in the station and are responsible for medicine dosing, recording temp/blood pressure, and such. These are the people you ask if you feel like your current medicine isn't working or if you're having a panic attack or trouble sleeping or feel like you should be allowed something from your belongings that are in storage, like a paperback book or an item of clothing.
Nursing Assistants: These are the poor bastards assigned to watch over you on the floor. Wonderful people, mainly Caribbean women. Their job is to make sure no one is breaking the rules. If you are on Constant Observation they follow discreetly 6-8 feet behind you everywhere you go until you're judged not to be a danger. As long as things are going fine they're mainly happy to chat with you, if you break down crying they'll try to talk you through it.

As far as The Rules, let me check my papers and paraphrase:
1. No threats or attacks against anyone.
2. No one is allowed in anyone else's room.
3. No fucking each other.
4. No lending money or clothes to each other.
5. Follow your damn treatment
6. Clean up your room and yourself.
7. "Daily hygiene", and change out of your pajamas by lunch.
8. If you make a mess eating, clean it up, you pig.
9. No drugs or alcohol, DUH.
10. No visitors in your bedroom either. Meet in the common room.
11. No smoking, DUH.

Above this there is a "responsibilities" section that basically implies, "The more you act like a normal adult the easier and faster it's going to be to get out."

In general, the NAs will give you a fair bit of leeway about being whacky as long as you are not seriously causing problems because no one wants to fill out all the paperwork that attends calling security, having them pin you, and tranqing your ass out if they can just scold you like the Superstar Den Mother that their job basically is.


* One lady I got to talking to was admitted because the ER wouldn't see her and she literally couldn't walk because of foot issues. So she threw a fit in the waiting room when they demanded she leave until they tossed her in The Tank (I don't have a better or snappier name for it, it's kind of like a school hallway lined with double bedrooms and a couple meeting spaces, rather than any kind of prison solitary environment you might be picturing.) Once she was there the doctors had to look at her foot and she was able to get some counseling and leave in pretty high spirits. A second lady learned the hard way that her medicare doctor was running a shady as fuck pills-for-cash scam when he got arrested and she learned she actually needed an appointment for the antipsychotics she needed. She tried to hold it together until her scheduled visit but one weekend of catatonic paranoia later, she also came in for a week or two, got the drugs and counseling she needed and left in pretty high spirits.

Man, this BBS is getting more interesting by the WEEK! Hope it's not a root cause or anything.

Oh no, I had a work-related stress meltdown. Solidly category 1, after I calmed down everyone loved me, I was voted homecoming soft-head etc, etc.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Does the threat thing imply on-line? It also sounds like you HAVE to answer questions directly posed to you. That's what I am reading between the instructions there. You HAVE to answer them...

Without giving away real-life information, what happened at work to get you in there? Was it the customers or piece of shit co-workers? I hate those guys!

[Flack]

Other than seconding ICJ's curiosity of wondering just how majestic of a meltdown one has to have to end up in a place like this, here are my other questions:

01. Did you feel safe?
02. Did you know how long you were going to be there?
03. Was it interesting, boring, or scary?
04. What "things" did you have access to?
05. What was the food like.

[Flack]

06. At any point did you remind them your middle name is Happiness?!?

[The Happiness Engine]

Does the threat thing imply on-line? It also sounds like you HAVE to answer questions directly posed to you. That's what I am reading between the instructions there. You HAVE to answer them...

The threat thing means you cannot tell another person "You better watch your back, bitch!" EVEN if you don't actually hit them with a chair! I know, right? There was actually this giant guy (like NFL tight end or NHL goon huge) who would constantly badger the NAs because he seemed to have the mind of Lenny from 'Mice and Men'. Just constantly asking "you wanna fight me?" in the sweetest childlike voice. He just got patiently (heh) explained to him over and over about appropriate behavior, like not standing directly over a seated person half your size and picking a fight, because once he was released someone WILL take him up on that offer. Just like trying to calm down that kid who eats paste in art class. I think he was getting out a few days after me.

You literally don't HAVE to do anything you don't feel like. You can sullenly refuse to talk to your doctors, you can sleep in your bed 24x7, you can refuse any medication or BP reading you want, no questions asked, but you sure as fuck aren't going to be walking out that Magical Mag-Locked door under your own volition if you take that route. Hell, you can just start screaming non-stop but like I said, security, Ativan, CO, etc. As a Taxpayer with a Job, Priority #1 was getting the fuck out by any means possible. Actually getting a huge psychological benefit and breaking the downward spiral of my life was just a bonus.

As a socially anxious introvert, whenever I recognized a staff member say, "Hello, Mr. Engine" instead of looking at my shoes and shuffling away awkwardly as I do outside I made a conscious choice to instead make eye contact, smile, and say, "Hello Ms. Nurse, how are you today?" See, I only had a temporary stress event and am now a totally normal functioning human being. Please note that on your chart and pass it along to the Doctors who above all do not want to see the headline "Hack Quack Releases Whack, Seven Die in Power Drill Attack!"

One of the things visitors are allowed to bring you (if you're not in trouble) is two sets of clothes, and you are encouraged to wear them. A lot of the "Personal Responsibilities" bit I glossed over is focused on training you to take care of yourself like an actual adult. So instead of the typical "sweatpants, other sweatpants, t-shirt, sweater" combo that one typically sees walking any of our fine inner cities I got 2 of my nicest business-casual outfits. You instantly seem more sane wearing a button-down shirt and talking at a college-education level. Minimum stay in these types of places is 72 hours, I figure the weekend didn't count, so all things considered 5 days seems good to me.

Without giving away real-life information, what happened at work to get you in there? Was it the customers or piece of shit co-workers? I hate those guys!

I am not a good fit for a large company, but I could work in one with a well-adjusted and managed team. I just want to work together with like-minded people to build things well. Instead one giant asshole wants to advance himself at all costs, including screwing over his own people and the entire product. Combined with a giant chain of shitty management on my side, and a bunch of work projects shitting out at the same time and maybe half a bottle of gin, well...I rather scared my friends enough (who were also drunk) that they felt they had no other choice. I've had enough time to move from "I am never speaking to any of those fuckers again" to "I understand, and ultimately, this was probably for the best."

This was after a casual board-game night some of us have after work when our schedules line up. Since Friday's have a work-provided beer cart starting around 4pm the drinking in itself wasn't a problem. Oh man, I wonder if I just fucked that for everybody. :/

Other than seconding ICJ's curiosity of wondering just how majestic of a meltdown one has to have to end up in a place like this, here are my other questions:

01. Did you feel safe?
02. Did you know how long you were going to be there?
03. Was it interesting, boring, or scary?
04. What "things" did you have access to?
05. What was the food like.
06. At any point did you remind them your middle name is Happiness?!?

01. Safe as houses. There was one really angry/sociopathic girl who I think of as 'Squinty' who just shuffled the halls and would try to get under people's skin when no one was watching. She'd move the paper tags listing who was in what room, because it's not like the NAs have a chart with them and on a board in the office listing that. She told me I 'smelled, and it's not just the farts.' I laughed. Then I'd have a cluster of visitors and patients asking for my advice and she's still there, shuffling aimlessly around, thinking that the staff doesn't see this kind of transparent 'I am helpful and happy and let me out' bullshit every fucking day. Everyone else was totally pleasant and I wish them all the best. Maybe even her really, because something has to make a person that empty inside.

02. Fuck no. It's "until you're better or transferred." On Wed my doctors started to mention "end of week" on Thu they told me I'd be out "Fri." I'd already saw a lady get her release bumped by a day due to paperwork so I was trying to keep my mind off of it. I'd answer "Friday, Monday, whenever everything is all together." They liked that. 2pm Friday my girlfriend wasn't there, I figured it was typical delays, 2:30pm and I started to try not to freak out. "Is she coming today, she had to skip yesterday due to work stuff but I thought she's coming today, will they let me out without her? Do I have to eat this FOOD for 3 more days? Is that hot chick going to get real mad if she sees me try to sneak a look down her shirt again?" Turns out she was just meeting with my doctor to go over final release info. No one told me shit, then it was my turn to do release paperwork, then out the door. No goodbyes, no looking back. This also seemed typical.

03. It is a very unique experience. There is a LOT of boredom and waiting around for the next thing to happen, and a lot of anxiety when it doesn't, because these people are just trying to do their job as best as possible but finger-painting right now is MY WHOLE LIFE. I really empathize with what it must be like to be an indoor dog with a walking and food schedule. I am writing a Paul-length book here because it's still fresh and has changed a lot about my outlook on life. For one thing, the liberal generalization of "we should help poor people" takes on a whole new dimension when you're imprisoned with those same people when they're having the worst experiences of their life. You get a much more immediate and personal feeling for their plights.*
At first being there was HORRIBLE. I was mad, I was bored out of my mind, I was anxious due to being in a new situation and not knowing the customs. After I got some books and learned that you should go to every Group Activity (because it looks real good on your chart, it eats up an hour of the day, it gives you an introduction to people you might be able to talk to (eating up more dead time) and fuck, sometimes making a greeting card like a 3rd grader is just fucking relaxing) things became a lot more tolerable. I can just sit and read whenever I have more than 5 minutes to kill though, which was helpful.

04. There are 2 phones in the hall, free local calls in and out, available all day, please limit conversations to 15 minutes because everybody else. One sucked horribly and was hard to hear on. You can ask the nurses to place one long distance call for you a day (they call the number and ask the person to call into a hall phone.) During parts of the day (but not all) there was a TV room (fuck that, never went). A common room containing chairs, table, a sad collection of board games/cards, a piano**, and 2 locked-down internet terminals that I never touched and were broke for half my stay, but mainly seemed to be used by others for facebook, email, and youtube. There is a sad library (shelf of books) that one must ask for permission to access, and similarly you could ask for paper, crayons, and golf pencils to write/draw at your leisure. No full-size pens/pencils though, because those have enough leverage to take out an eye or a neck. Lots of those measures you wouldn't think of. Handrails all have slats connecting to the wall (so you can't hang yourself with a sheet) sinks/showerheads molded the same, no hardcover books, etc.

05. Fucking horrible. I think it's just "hospital food" but if there's a lower grade possible I think we'd get it. What are we going to do, take our business elsewhere? I saved all my menus for some insane reason, maybe I'll make a quick note about them. But think the cheapest juice cups, milk, completely unseasoned steamed vegetables, chalk-dry rice. I'd usually eat about half my meal and skip snacks because by this point I was pretty much used to living on a starvation diet. Didn't gain or lose any weight there. As an enormous food snob, this was easily and by far the worst part of the entire visit, and I'm including the day 1 "I am never going to be allowed to go outside for the rest of my life" hysterical crying fit. My girlfriend brought be a bottled tea halfway through (plastic only, no glass.) When the first sip hit my tongue I just closed my eyes and held it there, tasting it for about 45 seconds. One of the first things I did when I got out was buy about $50 worth of junk food.

06. They just knew! I have a pattern of bottling up frustration and then exploding, and this was by far the 2nd biggest version of that possible. Since Doctors don't work weekends, I had 2 days to calm down and removed from work stress and gin I am a very intelligent, polite, empathetic, and helpful guy. I heard from friends and family that I was considered a model patient. I fixed the new TV and became the AV nerd, then made sure the NAs knew how to work it. I cleaned up messes I saw because that's just how I am. I am basically The Messiah, Come to walk to mental wards of this Fine Land and bring My Healing Touch to the sick.


* One of the worst was a girl who came from a suicide attempt, told a story of having her rib broke on her wedding night, having no family, job, or citizenship, and then learned her husband was filing for annulment once she was admitted on grounds of "bitches be crazy." I tried to help her talk through it as best I could, but I'm getting run ragged with everything set to easy mode. I only really talked to her for 2 days. I don't know what will become of her.

**There was one guy who was completely withdrawn and he'd usually claim the piano and just play the same low-octave minor chord progression over and over. It was nicknamed "The Doom March". I was happy it was at least in a key and could tune it out because I figured if he's that fucked up that THAT is what helps him cope I can deal with it. Others were not so understanding. A couple of times patients played an actual song and it was much more cheerful.


P.S. I think my editing is going to get worse the more hundreds of words I throw at this. :( Is there a better footnote style people would like?

[The Happiness Engine]

Annotated sample daily schedule*:

[6am: Wake-up call for meds/blood if they're doing that today, no advance warning.]

[6-7am: wake up anyways because shitty curtains flood the room with light, or your roommate with dementia thinks it's a good idea to open them so he can start reading.]

7:30am: Wake-up, Self-Care [No one wakes you. I always showered, dressed in my button down, and made my bed as military as possible because I am a Sane Responsible Adult. I seemed alone in the dressing part.]

[Stare at bedroom walls, walk hallways, probably allowed to make phone calls. I read and would occasionally check the hallway UNTIL]

8:00am: BREAKFAST [mob forms outside dining room about 10 minutes prior to all meals. Cart of trays is wheeled in, door is re-locked, set-up completed, then the door opens and people shuffle about until your name is called and you get to 'eat'. You can take your tray to your room if you want, but you need to bring it back before they finish cleaning. Not considered a sign of recovery.]

[8:20am: After handing out trays to the 10 or so people who are in the dining room, NAs will loudly call breakfast to see if anyone sleeping feels like getting their ass up and eating. Dining room is cleaned and re-locked around 8:45am]

9:00am: Self-Care [back to wall-staring, hallway-walking. For me reading, stretching out my bad back.]

10:00am: [or so, depends on daily schedule] Group Therapy. Whatever is up for today: College students playing violins? Plaster mask-making? Stress Management techniques? Who cares, at worst it eats an hour (non-denominational meditation time? Whatever, I get marked as 'present and actively participating.' Another gold star closer to leaving.)

[11:00am or so: back to wall-staring, hallway-walking. For me reading in the hallway to people-watch, maybe have a chat if someone talks to me.]

12:00pm: LUNCH. [ick. Finish typically in 20 minutes, kill time UNTIL]

1:00pm: Group Therapy [same as before, different activity.] Common Room opens now, it is considered better to read quietly by yourself there than in your room because it is marked as socializing (another gold star. I am fucking WINNING at being crazy.)

2:00pm: VISITING TIME. If anyone at all gives a fuck about you they have 60 minutes to come tell you. In my case this was 10+ minutes of frantically trading notes about things that needed to be done with my girlfriend, and then trying to decompress a bit from that and trade stories about inside/outside. There are also some random "snacks" provided, basically leftovers from breakfast/lunch. Milk, juice, bad yogurt cups, apples.

3-5pm: Fuck. All. You can look at the white wall or you can look at the green wall. You can look out the windows and seethe at all the people walking obliviously through a perfect spring day not knowing how good they have it. I amused myself some by articulating in my head exactly what was wrong with each crappy mass-produced "painting" hanging in the hallways, and of course, more reading.

5:00pm: DINNER [well, it's not lunch, and it's the last time you have to eat today.]

6-7pm: Fuck. All. See, "3-5pm".

7-8:30pm: VISITING TIME, Snacks. This is the real one. It's after work, it's 90 minutes, and the Common Room is fucking crowded to overflowing. Camp out the spot you want (i.e. not in front of the blazing/freezing HVAC blowers) and talk your talks. Or be a sad lonely bastard with no one and cry into an apple in your room, your choice. The Doom March was usually banned during this time.

8:30pm: WE GOT MOVIE SIGN. Voted on by whoever shows up to the weekly planning meeting out of whatever crap is around. I watched the Jamie Fox Annie (THE one to watch if you have to watch an Annie movie), Exit Wounds (one of the worse Segal movies and really should you be showing a topless stripper "puttin 'em on the glass" to a group of soft-heads?), 42 (overly feel-good but not actively bad.) A Hulk movie, Iron Man 1, it's really random. Also more SNAAAAX. This time with 4 whole ounces of ginger ale! Peanut butter sandwiches (build it yourself out of those little plastic cups and white bread) maybe chips if you're lucky. Fuck crazy people eat a lot. After gorging on that most people shuffled out and on average 0-4 people watched the movie with me. I eventually caught on this is because of the whole 6am wake-up thing, also medications. I'd set-up and tear down the TV because it was literally anything to do and everyone is nicer to you when you do their job for them. Also learn to set the fucking pan and scan correctly so you're not double letter-boxing everything jesus christ.

11:00pm: Lights out, mother fuckers! Your door closes AND latches (with a strange downwards-facing lever that you once again cannot hang yourself from) but has some form of window and the NAs are going to crack the door to get a good enough look that you aren't dead every 15 minutes so just roll on your side and learn to sleep through it, it's summer and that sun isn't going to be shining on Germany forever.


My sheet lists "medication" times but that is bullshit because you have an individual treatment that can be on any damn schedule they need to drug you on. "every 8 hours" is the worst because that's 6am, 2pm, 10pm.


* Working off of my orientation sheet, which is dead wrong, and my own memory. There is not as much structure as this seems to provide, any given day can flip any "Group Activity" with any "Fuck All" but there are only 2 activities per day. Maybe they are scheduled to start at 6pm, maybe the lady who runs it got sick and there's a hasty substitute who is 20 minutes late. You're just the cargo, you get moved around when they get to you. There is a whiteboard by the phones that is typically filled out by breakfast with the day's schedule and THREE whole clocks to check how long you have to wait! One in the dining room, one in the Common Room, one at the RN station. You can see the clocks through the door windows even when they are not open. Lots of confused checking back and forth because my brain was not happy about trying to retain information.

Meals note: You fill out a meal sheet TWO days in advance during dinner. This means that when you first arrive and are at your most confused and unsure, you get whatever random extra trays they send up (there's always a few extra for this and hungry people) and fuck you. I'm sure someone somewhere thinks they're making a SCIENTIFICALLY RIGOROUS select-a-meal chart that fulfills all of bureaucracy's nutrition requirements but in practice it's middle school: eat whatever parts of your meal you want, trade what you can, there's some extra bread/milk/tea/salt over in the fridge, where you place your leftovers if you're a nice person. If you have one of those pink plastic mugs that came from somewhere you can fill it with ice water now instead of using the one water fountain in the unit.

[Flack]

Wow, this is all truly fascinating. Thank you for sharing something that most of us (hopefully) will never experience first hand.

You may have stated this, but how did you know which actions looked good and which ones would not? I hate eating with strangers so my gut reaction would be to retreat to my room with my tray.

Was there anyone you met (patient or staff) that you wanted to keep in contact with on the outside?

[The Happiness Engine]

Wow, this is all truly fascinating. Thank you for sharing something that most of us (hopefully) will never experience first hand.

You may have stated this, but how did you know which actions looked good and which ones would not? I hate eating with strangers so my gut reaction would be to retreat to my room with my tray.

Honestly, if anyone ever finds themself so frustrated or depressed you think you're approaching a meltdown, go talk to someone, no matter how stupid it feels. It really will help.

Simple deduction plus the guidelines. I've talked to shrinks before in a minor fashion and usually just defeated them with turtling, but I figured the guidelines in the Big Leagues was going to be "Statistically Normal Adult."

Really this is all making it sound much more devious than it actually is. "Are we sure this person is stable enough that we can let them out?" I'm sure if I acted like an asshole I'd still get let out, it'd just take longer and would have made my life MUCH harder.

Was there anyone you met (patient or staff) that you wanted to keep in contact with on the outside?

Just about everyone, because I am a friendless loser! But it's really more about sharing the trauma of being there / why you're there and you probably should not attempt to contact anyone you meet. I know no one I talked to offered. I put it into the same general category as "Your Bartender is Not Your Friend. Neither is Your Stripper."

Let me type verbatim the section I summarized previously and used to guess what would help me, keeping in mind that most of my SUPER DEVIOUS MENTAL STRATAGEMS are really just basic human politeness and the ability to act like an adult. It was just that when the choice presented itself to either "shun everything and hide" or "do what I was told" it was time to be a good little trooper and I found I actually liked it! Making my bed gave me something to occupy my hands! Groups were WAY better than I could have imagined! Having the ability to remember and double-check with your RN the meds you were just handed makes you look like fucking Sherlock Holmes.


Responsibilities Of Patients On The Unit:

ATTEND GROUPS and BE AN ACTIVE GROUP MEMBER

• Arriving on time
  Staying the full time
  Respecting the group rules
  Participating in selected intervention and/or discussion

TAKE MEDICATION DAILY

• Be able to list your medication

INTERACT IN HEALTHY AND APPROPRIATE WAYS WITH STAFF & PATIENTS

PERFORM SELF-CARE TASKS

• Shower Daily
  Wear your own clothes as much as you are able
  Practice healthy living and hygiene, request help for things you need assistance with

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR PERSONAL SPACE & COMPLETING TASKS ON UNIT

• Keeping room clean, making your bed, putting personal items away
  Cleaning up after yourself in the dayroom and dining room
  Sharing community items with other patients (including TV, Computers, and Piano)

That's the top half of a page, the bottom half were the previous rules. That's about all the guidance I got on What To Do. In practice the NAs will not care about any of that, they just note it on their charts and it's your Doctor's problem as to how they want to address it. But I was approaching this experience from a "Holy fuck open that door right NOW!" mindset and put my newly sober brain to the task of trying to be teacher's pet, which is a pretty natural role for me anyways, really.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

This was after a casual board-game night some of us have after work when our schedules line up.

Was this "Settlers of Cataan"? I assume so, because that's all anyone plays anymore. Though when actually AT the place I'd be a big fan of seeing those crazy bastards put together Mouse Trap. My guess is that they don't let Mouse Trap in the building, because there's a million parts to it, and I assume once the box is open, the true lunatics pounce on it like Pinback's cats and pizza, with the trap never to be sprung.

[The Happiness Engine]

Was this "Settlers of Cataan"? I assume so, because that's all anyone plays anymore.

Oh FUCK no. That's our generation's Monopoly. It can get you into games but blagh. Risk Legacy, a great game but one that requires a dedicated weekly board game night group.

Though when actually AT the place I'd be a big fan of seeing those crazy bastards put together Mouse Trap. My guess is that they don't let Mouse Trap in the building, because there's a million parts to it, and I assume once the box is open, the true lunatics pounce on it like Pinback's cats and pizza, with the trap never to be sprung.

Oh god, all those pieces. We had Scrabble, but only for special "patient-directed" activity times. Afterwards all those sweet, sweet, tiles got locked back up.[/url]

[Jizaboz]

This is all very accurate. I was never committed myself, but a couple of people I know/knew were. The main thing I went away with when I would visit was I'd be bored out of my fucking mind and strangling someone for a cigarette.

Can you describe your freak-out? I've lost my shit in public a few times, but luckily got out of there before the cops showed up.

[Flack]

Agreed. I've had a couple of public freakouts that didn't get me committed but I have no doubts the police showed up after I left.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

There is one time I lost my shit in public.

We have a very stupid and inconsistent manner of vehicle registration in Colorado. Every year you need to give them money to register your car or motorcycle. Every OTHER year you have to do emissions.

They have "emissions vans" setup everywhere. The idea is that if you pass the emissions vans enough times, they scan your license and then you don't have to take your car in for emissions. This is fucking moronic and doesn't work. The idea that the fucking state of all things has this level of competency is laughable.

I won't even get into how it's impossible to update your address with the DMV.

So you'll eventually have to take your car into emissions.

They have different lines for cars with four-wheel drive and those without. This being Colorado, most cars are four-wheel drive. Guess which they have one lane for, and which they have multiple lines for?

So you sit there in the 4WD lane forever. It's unpredictable as to how long it will be. What they don't tell you is that they don't take credit or debit cards.

The last time I had my car done, I sat in line (an hour, easy) sat through emissions (20 minutes, easy) got to the end and then got told, hahaha, they don't take credit cards. While they post check information, they don't specifically say that they don't take cards. Seeing how Colorado is one of the 50 states of America and not Latin America, and seeing how it was 2013, I assumed they took cards. Ha ha, of fucking course not. The state will spend millions wasting money in that one way I don't care for, but 3% to Visa? No way.

IN SIGHT of the shithole emissions place was an ATM. Like, it was 200 yards away. If I had any fucking warning, I would have been there and back before the process was finished. I asked the guy to wait 5 minutes so I could get cash.

He wouldn't do it.

He wanted me to go through emissions again after I got the money. Because of what an inane stupid fucking clustershit it was, I took it out on the guy. I told him the entire process was retarded and this is the dumbest fucking policy and that those of us in the real world don't have this kind of time to waste.

It's the only temper tantrum I've ever had with someone in retail (essentially) and about two minutes afterwards I felt like the world's biggest asshole. I got the money, went through again and profusely apologized.

Even though the state -- all states -- are the most inefficient constructs man can create, it makes you the asshole when you take it out on the state's employees. I regret that incident. If I worked for ESPN and they filmed it they would fired me, unless I was a girl.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Christ, re-reading that, I really am a waste of space. Sorry, Emissions Dude.

[Jizaboz]

Nah, fuck that guy.

[Jizaboz]

Here are a couple of mine. Sorry to go off-topic a bit, Happiness Engine. Still awaiting your answer about your freak-out.


Wendys - 20??

Walk in. It's crowded. After about 15 seconds standing there, I decide to leave. By now there is a lady right behind me, blocking the door. I say excuse me. She does not respond. "Move, bitch." That got her attention and I got out. Kind of regret.

Maccorini Grill - 2007?

Walk in. Apparently it's prom night. Crowded. Walk up to the front desk to make a reservation. For 5 minutes I'm ignored. I turn to leave. Again, I'm blocked. This time, it's some senior jock dude with his girlfriend, who is tall enough to actually be looking OVER my head, and totally ignoring my requests to let me by, holding hands with his girl. Shoved him to the floor as his girlfriend yelled "OH MY GAWD!!!". Zero regrets.

McDonalds - Last month

Order a double cheeseburger. I receive a burger with 2 pieces of cheese on it. I approach the counter and try to explain the mistake. I don't even want to be at McDonalds. The woman at the counter looks right at me and says "Double cheese. Twice the cheese. That's what you paid for."

As the rage built, I just sort bust out into a loud laugh and said "Really?! REALLY?!? HAHA That's so stupid! OKAY! YOU WIN!" and walked off to watch my girlfriend eat. A bit of regret started to set in as I saw older people around me staring and getting out quickly. About 5 minutes later, this black dude from the kitchen comes out in a rush and hands me another burger. "Double cheese?" I inspect it, and sure enough.. 2 pieces of meat and 2 pieces of cheese! So, I replied "YOU got it right! Wow! Thank you, man!" and rather than being cool back he just gave me an awkward grin and ran back to the kitchen.


I've got countless more but these are the first couple to come to mind.

[RetroR]

One time my mother and younger brother came by to visit me while I was in inpatient care. They accidentally walked through the door leading into the patient area proper and were quickly ushered out (no children allowed.) Two minutes later one of the patients, a large 300+ pound black man, rushes through exactly where they were standing with three handlers still attached to him.

It took seven people to physically restrain him and they were unable to place him into four point restraints because of his size and strength...

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

You should keep a small bag of rations on you at all time. Maybe some of that Elven Waybread the kids like so much these days.