In Sobriety, I'm Really Enjoying Alcoholic Beverages

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri May 22, 2015 3:25 pm

Somehow, the blood work shows that after being highly elevated from 20 years of alcohol abuse, my liver enzyme levels are, after 1.5 months of clean living, almost back to normal levels. I'm advised to not have more than two alcoholic beverages a day.

And that's just what I've been doing. Wine! Beer! Scotch! Bourbon! All of it! And you know what, it's great!

In some ways, I never really tasted any of this stuff. It was all a means to an end, and if it tasted good, fine, but I didn't much care. Toward the end I was drinking cooking sherry and mouthwash(*), who cares.

Now that I don't drink anymore, I'm really enjoying drinking. I can make a small glass of wine last an hour, and enjoy every tiny little sip of it. I'm having some Maker's Mark right now, and it's the best bourbon I've ever had! Not that I haven't had better, but for the first time I'm really just tasting it, without thought, without intention, just enjoying the experience. Amazing!

And the really strange part is, once I start "feeling it", after one or two drinks, I stop. Not because I know I "should", but because it no longer adds anything.

And I do enjoy waking up early and fresh in the morning, so, so much.

So yes. For the truly sober, I highly recommend drinking.

(*) This works, but is not advised. You will be doing a lot of throwing up, once you make the commitment to guzzle Listerine.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri May 22, 2015 3:34 pm

Holy shit, someone came by the office with the answers! ALL OF THEM, everybody's! They just dropped 'em off! I am guessing they were starpeople. Everyone's in here. Quick, lemme go to your page! Oh! Oh!

Okay. It says here that the reason it never sticks is because you slowly start ramping up your drinking again.

Well. Shit. I ... I guess we already knew that.

I guess we 1) already knew that and 2) could have had more use for it before Jack Straw shot and murdered his family.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri May 22, 2015 3:45 pm

What will convince you that this will never happen?

Two months, you said, but I don't believe two months would do it for you.

A year?

How long before I become the most fascinating case anyone has ever seen of long-term alcoholism vanishing entirely in a momentary flash?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri May 22, 2015 3:49 pm

No, still two months. I mean, you're drinking wine and beer.

Look, I support you. I want you to break free. But if -- let me put it this way.

I haven't bought an arcade game* in a year. If, each night, someone carted one around in front of me and let play a new one a little, how long would I last? I wouldn't last two months.

In fact, I bet within one month of us getting "settled" in the new house, I buy a new arcade game.

I'm broken by that craving as well dude, it's just that I can't go down the street and get the thing I have an issue with. So yes, it is still two months. Day after your birthday.

I AM ON YOUR SIDE

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri May 22, 2015 4:00 pm

So you feel that a small glass of wine, sometimes two, per night, violates the "two month" thing we spoke of?

I mean, do you feel I've already "lost the bet" by doing this?

Or are you just sure that this will eventually (before June 12th, in fact) lead to "bigger and better" consumption?

I just want to understand which wrong thing I need to respond to.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Fri May 22, 2015 4:22 pm

I think ICJ's kind of over-reacting here. I think historically you'll find any addict, once having denounced formal treatment and declaring themselves cured, have had great success rates with going right back to whatever they were addicted to but only doing it a little bit this time. I mean, especially people who have just relapsed. Nope, absolutely nothing bad can come from this!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri May 22, 2015 5:14 pm

I know it's fun to think you're right, but can someone here at least clarify:

1. Does two glasses of wine a night constitute a "relapse"?

2. If not, how much time has to pass, with that routine, before you're willing to call it a "successful" recovery?

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Fri May 22, 2015 6:50 pm

It does not affect my life in the slightest whether you drink 2 oz, 2 glasses, or 2 gallons of wine each night with dinner.

Maybe you're the smartest guy in the world and you figured out something about alcoholism nobody else has. Maybe this will all lead to yet another hilarious and sad story of you detoxing in some random hotel. Either way, for me, there is no spoon.

Good luck and good night.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri May 22, 2015 7:27 pm

Maybe you're the smartest guy in the world and you figured out something about alcoholism nobody else has.

I am not the smartest guy, even on this BBS.

You can say I've "discovered" something about alcoholism which relatively few, I believe, have seen. I do not consider myself any more special or wise than anyone else as a result. If anything, there is just a deep gratitude.

I would not believe me either, of course. I ain't no dummy. I am perfectly aware how my story here echoes an endless stream of failed "recovery" stories, including my own, and including even this pronouncement that "yeah, I know this sounds like all the other times, but it isn't."

I know this sounds like all the other times.

But it isn't.

There has been a tremendous transformation within me, the most incredibly profound experience of my life, and it is one from which there is no going back, because it is a realignment with the single great truth of the universe, which we all know intimately before we are born, and then, as humans, forget for awhile, until we either go through this transformation, or the body gives out.

Either way, it is remembered, and then known forever.

I got drunk because there was something to be gained from it.

Now it is seen that there is nothing to be gained, ever. Plus, it's nice not being hungover every morning.

And damn, does wine taste good. That is also, now, seen. And for that, there is also a deep gratitude.

RealNC · Post by **RealNC** » Fri May 22, 2015 7:37 pm

ICJ is just worried about you. It starts with a glass of wine, and it ends with cocaine and dead hookers.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri May 22, 2015 9:52 pm

pinback wrote:So you feel that a small glass of wine, sometimes two, per night, violates the "two month" thing we spoke of?

I mean, do you feel I've already "lost the bet" by doing this?

Or are you just sure that this will eventually (before June 12th, in fact) lead to "bigger and better" consumption?

I just want to understand which wrong thing I need to respond to.

I don't think you've lost the bet or anything, man.

I just think that because this is a disease, the small amount of alcohol consumed is gonna increase. I think that because I know that when it comes to the stuff I am obsessed with, I can't do it a little.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat May 23, 2015 3:16 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
pinback wrote:So you feel that a small glass of wine, sometimes two, per night, violates the "two month" thing we spoke of?

I mean, do you feel I've already "lost the bet" by doing this?

Or are you just sure that this will eventually (before June 12th, in fact) lead to "bigger and better" consumption?

I just want to understand which wrong thing I need to respond to.
I don't think you've lost the bet or anything, man.

I just think that because this is a disease, the small amount of alcohol consumed is gonna increase. I think that because I know that when it comes to the stuff I am obsessed with, I can't do it a little.

So let me ask, for the THIRD time now:

How much time must pass before you are convinced that your thoughts about this are all wrong? How much time must pass with no amount increase and no struggle to keep from increasing, when you can finally admit that there has been a profound change here, and that my addiction/alcoholism has vanished completely?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat May 23, 2015 3:18 am

In a way, this is how Jesus must have felt. I'm trying to convey to you people a wonderful, liberating truth, and y'all just keep SWINGIN' THAT CAT O' NINE, BABY.

Wine involved with him, too, I should point out.

The Happiness Engine · Sat May 23, 2015 6:58 am

pinback wrote:So let me ask, for the THIRD time now:

How much time must pass before you are convinced that your thoughts about this are all wrong? How much time must pass with no amount increase and no struggle to keep from increasing, when you can finally admit that there has been a profound change here, and that my addiction/alcoholism has vanished completely?

Choosing to put down the glass because you want to is the easiest thing in the world. The actual test comes in choosing to put down the glass when you DON'T want to. Do that enough times, and you can pronounce yourself "cured". However, while there is no way to demonstrate that to anyone else, you'll know. And sometimes, that quiet certainty is enough.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat May 23, 2015 7:07 am

The Happiness Engine wrote:
pinback wrote:So let me ask, for the THIRD time now:

How much time must pass before you are convinced that your thoughts about this are all wrong? How much time must pass with no amount increase and no struggle to keep from increasing, when you can finally admit that there has been a profound change here, and that my addiction/alcoholism has vanished completely?
Choosing to put down the glass because you want to is the easiest thing in the world. The actual test comes in choosing to put down the glass when you DON'T want to. Do that enough times, and you can pronounce yourself "cured". However, while there is no way to demonstrate that to anyone else, you'll know. And sometimes, that quiet certainty is enough.

I already do know, and it is enough. The only reasons I bring it up here are:

1. How long would it take anyone to believe it? I think mine could be a valuable case study to further the science of addiction and recovery, but not as long as everyone just assumes I'm fooling myself and will be back pounding vodka every night soon enough.

2. The fuck else do we have to talk about?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat May 23, 2015 8:47 am

pinback wrote: So let me ask, for the THIRD time now:

How much time must pass before you are convinced that your thoughts about this are all wrong? How much time must pass with no amount increase and no struggle to keep from increasing, when you can finally admit that there has been a profound change here, and that my addiction/alcoholism has vanished completely?

Oh, just till the day after your birthday. Same as before. June 12th, 2015. I will accept the profound change at the end of that day.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sat May 23, 2015 10:57 am

Getting back to simply social drinking is terribly difficult. As a small test, go out with your friends and you be the DD. I hear some places even give you free soda.

THE
LITMUS PEPSI
AARDVARK

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat May 23, 2015 12:23 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
pinback wrote: So let me ask, for the THIRD time now:

How much time must pass before you are convinced that your thoughts about this are all wrong? How much time must pass with no amount increase and no struggle to keep from increasing, when you can finally admit that there has been a profound change here, and that my addiction/alcoholism has vanished completely?
Oh, just till the day after your birthday. Same as before. June 12th, 2015. I will accept the profound change at the end of that day.

That's coming right up. You sure? Wouldn't you rather make it like six months or something? Whatever you need, buddy.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat May 23, 2015 12:27 pm

AArdvark wrote:Getting back to simply social drinking is terribly difficult.

I am telling you, after what I have realized, after the grip of fear and suffering has vanished, it is not only <i>not</i> difficult, it is in fact extremely easy. That is the revolutionary kind of change I am talking about, I am pointing to, I am conveying is possible.

Why everyone isn't RIVETED by this, I'll never understand! Well, yes I do:

I'm offering a way out of suffering, forever. But all y'all is some happy-ass niggas, so nobody cares. Which, believe me, is a good thing.

Fatass · Post by **Fatass** » Sat May 23, 2015 4:25 pm

I buy it. Many of the accepted definitions of 'alcoholic' don't include people who just...stopped, or cut back, or grew up, because of the stupid idea that if they could just change that easily, they weren't an alcoholic. Medically, they most definitely were, and then something happened and the crutch was inconvenient (like when my mother went back to work and stopped because she only liked day-drinking herself into a coma before 4pm) or wasn't needed much anymore ( I used to drink a half gallon of whatever until I got my thyroid and anxiety issues dealt with medically). So the definition is all fucked. I fucking love having 2 glasses of Scotch or wine a night, I enjoy the hell out of it, sometimes I go to bed and realize I forgot to drink at all, I wake up and feel healthy every morning and I've been this way for a year now.