Review: Hot Sauce To Go (Grill Master Collection)

[Flack]

This past weekend at Big Lots I found this five bottle collection of "Hot Sauce To Go," part of the "Grill Master Collection." Because Big Lots is known for their culinary delights (they have expired Swiss Miss rolls 10/$1), I decided to pick these up and give them a shot. The entire package was $5.



The cardboard package contains five bottles. As you can see the bottles vary in intensity. There's Not So Spicy, Spicy, Hot, Extra Hot, and Extremely Hot. Each bottle holds 1.7oz. of hot sauce. That's 8.5oz of hot sauce in all, math wizards.

The "To Go" part comes from the fact that one end of the package contains a plastic handle. Just look how portable that makes this box of hot sauce! Unfortunately, the bottles cannot be removed from the box without destroying the box and the handle. So really, it's just portable once. Well bloody hell, everything is portable once! Hell, a coffee mug thrown from the roof of your house is portable once!

The more I think about it, this whole "to go" packaging attempts to solve a problem that's not even there! After purchasing them the cashier put them in a plastic sack with handles for me. Anything in a plastic sack with handles is already "to go!" I don't need redundant layers of "to go," like a "to go" package of hot sauce inside a "to go" plastic bag. This isn't goddamn Inception; it's hot sauce!

These bottles hold 1.7oz of hot sauce. It's not like I'm constantly saying, "Jesus Christ, I wish these airplane-sized bottles of hot sauce were MORE PORTABLE." I mean, I guess this is the perfect gift for the man who loves hot sauce and has everything in life except pockets? I am telling you right now, on a bet I could cram three of these bottles in my mouth. I'm not saying it's the best way to transport glass bottles, but it could be done.

Fuck, where was I? Oh yeah. Hot sauce.



So, some problems.

First of all, each bottle of sauce is labeled with a small paper label wrapped around the neck of the bottle. When I opened one, that label ripped right off. As you can see, the contents of the Spicy, Extra Hot, and Extremely Hot bottles are almost exactly the same color. Once those wrappers are ripped off that means the next-to-mildest and the two hottest flavors will be indistinguishable. That'll be a fun surprise some morning.

The bottles are also impossible to open with your bare hands. I had to use a knife to cut the plastic seal covering the lid. I'm just saying, for "Hot Sauce To Go," not very convenient.

Also, again, the "To Go" part -- the cardboard box with the handle -- is in the trash. The bottles of hot sauce are no more portable than a pair of loafers or a dead skunk.

SO ANYWAY GODDAMMIT FLACK DID YOU TRY THE HOT SAUCE?

Yes I did. I went right for the middle of the road ("Hot") and poured it on my eggs this morning. Note that the mouth of the bottle doesn't have any sort of restriction. It's wide open, meaning you could potentially pour all 1.7oz of hot sauce on your plate in about 3 seconds.

I put a healthy glop on my scrambled eggs, mixed it in, and... nothing. Not hot. I mean, every now and then I took a bite and went, "Oh, there's the sauce," but it wasn't even warm. I don't eat the hot, hot stuff like Pinback so I'm not comparing this to that. This wasn't as hot as Taco Bell's packets of hot sauce (not "fire," just "hot").

When I go back downstairs later I'm probably going to toss the first three bottles. They're not even warm enough for the kids. I'm guessing the first one is ketchup and then second one might be Taco Bell mild sauce or something. I suppose I could keep them around in case I need a cool refreshing drink next summer.

I will try the Extra Hot or the Extremely Hot tomorrow and give a follow up report.

[Flack]

I tried another one and it was warmer than hot. But it was "Spicy," which is less hot than hot. I give up.

[Guest]

I had to reply to this even though it is years later...but I received this package of hot sauce two years ago as a stocking stuffer from my mom...fast forward a little bit and I am now purging everything I haven't used in the last year and came across this "gift" from her. I just kept forgetting that I had it and so it never got used. But, here I am, deciding on whether or not to throw this out and I think to myself, what if I'm throwing out the most overlooked hot sauce there ever was? What if this is one of the best little secret finds of the universe? But alas- I wasn't hungry and I'm not going to gauge hot sauce by just itself...so I googled the long extended entry of "grill master collection hot sauce to go" along with "reviews" and your post came up...I can't tell you how hilarious this was now that the moment has passed and no one was present to hear me literally laugh my ass off out loud, and also, there's a huge chance you may never read this, but I still can't let this post go unnoticed for the gem that it is. The to go hot sauce was not a successful find by any measure, but this post sure was. Thank you. Thank you for the synchronistic moment in which this hot sauce was the only door to.
P.S.
The only reason I even came across the hot sauce was because I wanted a jalapeno margarita but I had no jalapenos. So I started looking for spices or sauces and remembered these fuckers were still around so I reached for them. Only after severing the package from its counterpart to-go handle (in search of an expiration date which isn't ANYWHERE on the package or the bottles) did I say fuck it--I'm tossing them. But that little hoarder birdie in my head was who said, "WAIT- you don't know what you're throwing away; this could be gold" --little tiny nuggets of liquid spicy gold that there certainly isn't enough of...cuz aren't all good things not enough? The best stuff I have ever tried/had/done, came in the smallest amounts...this package of hot sauce had that same potential.

So, again, thank you for your humor. I'm reveling in the echoed, albeit not-so-distant memory of this synchronicity over my shitty jalapeño-less margarita. Cheers ðŸ￾»

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Thanks, pal! Here is a fun story from another friend here named Pinback.

The day he was almost killed by hot sauce: http://www.joltcountry.com/features/the ... sauce.html