Jolt Country

This page seems to get around 15 entries per day, so it looks like you nailed it!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deaths_in_2022

Giles Warrick, suspected of being the Potomac River Rapist, was found dead in the DC jail today. Warrick was arrested when caught in the act yesyerday, when police responded to reports of a man on top of the river, fucking it while it was trying to flow away.. Police suspect the man was dead of "extreme sexual exhaustion." Off the record, one police officer said, "I can believe it. Do you know how much effort it would take to hold down and rape the Potomac River?"

Other news reports claim Warrick committed suicide in the DC jail. "I guess being unable to keep raping the Potomac River, and facing a long dry spell, made him depressed," an unnamed source said.

“It is believed the suspect lived in, spent a considerable amount of time in, or was otherwise familiar with the areas of the attacks,” said Special Agent Erin Sheridan before the recent arrest. “The suspect is generally described as an African-American male of medium build who is currently believed to be in his 40s or 50s.”

Most of the Victims of the Potomac River Rapist Were Assaulted Inside Their Own river beds, Sometimes With Child tributaries Present.

Can we, as a community, allow this? Well, it IS his death base so I'm willing to let it stand

I just thought it was funny, treating his moniker as 'the Patomac River killer' literally, and do a 'the Onion'-style fake news article, mixing real facts with lies. Similar to Fox News.

Truth:

• There really is someone referred to as 'the Potomac River rapist'
• the rapist assaulted women in their own homes, sometimes while children were watching
• the guy who was believed to be the rapist is the person pictured
• his name was Giles Warrick;
• he died in the DC jail by suicide;
• the item by Special Agent Erin Sheridan was verbatim out of the news.

The rest was embellishment to fit the narrative, that he literally raped a river. I almost added a fake suicide note that asked that they play 'Cry Me a River' at his funeral.

Hmm. Well, there's still a chance she gonna learn how to fly.

She's gonna live forever, remember her name, Fame! She's gonna make it to heaven!

What a feeling! I can have it all now I'm dancing through my life.

By the way, Google image search failed on this one, but Bing pointed me to the Wikipedia article about Ms. Escalera was born March 18, but what year it was is under dispute. Most sources say 1959, others say 1961 or 1962. In 1983 she told Dick Clark in an interview she was 24, which makes it 1959. In 2020 she Tweeted she was 59. So Wikipedia claims Irene Cara Escalera died at the age of 63.

Tdarcos wrote: Sun Nov 27, 2022 6:12 amSo Wikipedia claims Irene Cara Escalera died at the age of 63.

Not a bad record, for this vicinity.

The quarterback is toast.

pinback wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 8:28 am The quarterback is toast.

Can you stop ruining this BBS, please? Just for a week or two?

pinback wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 1:41 pm Can you stop ruining this BBS, please? Just for a week or two?

Can you stop being a pedantic asshole every day of your life? I didn't think so.

You know the drill. Assholes and elbows.

Welp, stop thinking about tomorrow....

One hour later you will want to die again

pinback wrote: Wed Nov 30, 2022 1:44 pm

AArdvark wrote: Wed Nov 30, 2022 4:06 pm Welp, stop thinking about tomorrow....

"Ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh, think about me
Every, every once in a while
Ooh-ooh-ooh
Think about me."
- Christine McVie

Casual Observer wrote: Wed Nov 30, 2022 5:58 pm

Jiang Zemin
Former President of the People's Republic of China

One of the "Butchers of Bejing" has been relegated to the graveyard to which they belong.

One of these guys has gone to meet Mr Hooper, can you see which one it is?