We leave for China in five days.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sun Mar 19, 2017 11:06 am

It's interesting how you frame experiences when faced with such an impending enormous life change. Here's when it hit me:

As you know, I am a huge proponent of Better Than Bouillon. It is, as I have said before, and cannot overemphasize: better than bouillon. It is my constant companion throughout the day, and I go through it faster than, I'm guessing, everyone else on the Earth. I have to buy new jars at least once every two weeks.

Late last week I bought a new jar, and it occurred to me, right there in aisle 3 of our local Publix... "Jesus Christ, the next time I buy a jar of Better Than Bouillon, I'll have a kid."

Everything is tinged with that sense. The next time I take the trash down, I'll have a kid. The next time I cook spaghetti, we'll have a kid.

It's interesting.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sun Mar 19, 2017 1:25 pm

They don't deliver? You pay all that money for (a) Chinese and you have to pick it up?

I'm just kidding. Congratulations! I understand that the adoption process is long and stressful, and then throw in a flight to a communist country, whoosh!

THE
BUY A COUPLE SUITS
WHILE YOU'RE THERE
AARDVARK

RealNC · Post by **RealNC** » Sun Mar 19, 2017 2:20 pm

AArdvark wrote:communist country

Off-topic, but China isn't actually a communist country.

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Sun Mar 19, 2017 2:28 pm

AArdvark wrote:They don't deliver? You pay all that money for (a) Chinese and you have to pick it up?

From what I understand, some assembly is required.

FlyingCarp · Post by **FlyingCarp** » Tue Mar 21, 2017 6:24 am

Just keep in the back of your mind that when that kid reaches an appropriately responsible age they'll be going to the store buying you your Better than Bouillon and taking out your trash and cooking your spaghetti. That's the light at the end of my tunnel of the oppressive side of fatherhood.

Heck, my 4-year-old is already old enough to put all the dishes in the sink, fetch whatever small item in the house I desire, and she draws me cute pictures to hang up in my office. They start earning their keep before you know it.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Tue Mar 21, 2017 10:37 am

Shortly after my son was born, my dad told me a story about the time my parents took me to the zoo. I was three or four years old at the time. Apparently we were just about as far as you could get from the entrance (in the middle of the summer, no less) when I got tired and decided I didn't want to walk anymore. My dad picked me up and carried me the mile or so to the exit.

That must have sucked," I said.

"When you're a parent, you do what you have to do," he replied.

Best piece of parenting advice I ever got.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Mar 21, 2017 10:41 am

"Awww, I don't wanna do thaaat." - Sgt. Pinback

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Tue Mar 21, 2017 2:11 pm

Other things you might not want to do that you should probably prepare for:

- Finding out that your kid gave all their Nintendo DS games (that you paid for) to the "poor kid" in school because he didn't have any.

- Walking past your kid's bedroom in the middle of the night only to hear them crying because they think they're ugly.

- Looking for your favorite headphones only to discover that your bundle of joy borrowed them and left them out where the cat could chew the cord in half.

- Cleaning up someone else's puke at midnight.

- Cleaning up someone else's puke at 5 a.m.

- Cleaning up someone else's puke anytime, really.

- Searching for the lost television remote for the hundredth time.

- Having your kid tell you he deserves more allowance while you're taking out the trash and he's sitting on a $2,000 motorcycle you bought him.

- Discovering that your kid lost their iPad somewhere "a couple of years ago."

By the way, everything on this list happened last Thursday.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Mar 21, 2017 3:00 pm

Yeah, but those are white people.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Tue Mar 21, 2017 4:32 pm

My apologies -- it must have been the flash in all your Facebook photos that make you and your wife look so light.

RetroR · Post by **RetroR** » Tue Mar 21, 2017 5:31 pm

Flack wrote:- Looking for your favorite headphones only to discover that your bundle of joy borrowed them and left them out where the cat could chew the cord in half.

Just curious, but what make and model were your favorite set of cans?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Mar 22, 2017 6:24 am

Flack wrote:My apologies -- it must have been the flash in all your Facebook photos that make you and your wife look so light.

The kids, we're talking about. This is a thread about kids, until Retro "Pauled" the goddamn thing by asking about headphones.

FlyingCarp · Post by **FlyingCarp** » Wed Mar 22, 2017 10:23 am

Pinback, do you think you could bring us all some quality headphones straight from the source when you're over there in the manufacturing heartland of America?

They've got all the best brands: Senpaisser, Hardon Karman, Klitsch, Beets and Boose.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:01 pm

Yeah, why couldn't you have adopted a Japanese baby, or maybe a German one? They got good headphones over there.

THE
NOISE REDUCING INFANTS
AARDVARK

FlyingCarp · Post by **FlyingCarp** » Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:47 pm

I keep thinking about Pinback's upcoming big day. I'm sharing in his excitement and, I'm sure, nervousness. The thing I was thinking about this morning is the stark contrast between your two flights: going and returning. I think that return flight is really when it's going to hit home that your lives are forever changed. Of course, changed in a million great ways, but long distance flights with children are no picnic, even for those of us who have had our children for many years before we take them on board a trans-oceanic flight.

My guess is you'll have plenty of distractions for little Mina on board, but you can never have too many. I remember flying with my older daughter on a trans-Atlantic flight where we could not keep her occupied by any one thing for longer than five minutes and that went on for six hours. At one point, a stewardess was bringing around ice cream. My wife and I looked at each other, realized it would occupy our "kiddo" for 10 minutes at least, but that we would pay the price when the sugar rush hit. We gave her the ice cream and then buckled our seat belts for the next hour or two of extremely bumpy flight...not due to external turbulence. Needless to say, that was a trying experience. But, at the same time, those are memories that I'll always look back on fondly. Those kinds of trying times really do solidify a family.

Seriously wishing you and Mrs. Pinback all the best!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Mar 23, 2017 5:44 pm

Thank you, kind sir.

And now, I shall POWER DOWN, for quite a while.

GOD BLESS.

Paul, don't reply to that.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Mar 27, 2017 6:17 pm

I dunno, you guys. Parenting seems pretty easy. But maybe taking care of a household full of broken animals for ten years helped "soften the blow".

RealNC · Post by **RealNC** » Tue Mar 28, 2017 12:37 am

pinback wrote:I dunno, you guys. Parenting seems pretty easy. But maybe taking care of a household full of broken animals for ten years helped "soften the blow".

If it wasn't easy, there wouldn't be over 7 billion of us.

Welcome back :mrgreen:

RealNC · Post by **RealNC** » Tue Mar 28, 2017 1:30 am

This broken forum absolutely RUINED my post. It's not even close to what I intended without the emoticon showing up.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sun Apr 30, 2017 3:21 pm

So how's things going with fatherhood? Been quiet on the home front?