Great Moments in Debaser History

Debaser · Post by **Debaser** » Fri Jul 11, 2003 11:32 pm

So I'm sitting around tonight, resigned to another Friday of depresed masturbation, when I find out a buddy of mine has just come back from Boston and he, his sister, and his cousin plan on hitting "the town:.

So we go to this karioke bar called the Rio Bravo, and his underage sister can't get in. She, naturally, wants to go elsewhere with some friend of hers, and desires us to go along.

My buddy Raf: So, you're friend: Is she cute?

Debaser: More importantly: Is she desperate?

Raf's sister: Not that desperate.

So we stay at the Bravo. And drink. A lot. Somewhere in the midst of this, I decide to sign up for karioke. Raf has already signed up for Ben Fold's Five's "Army", and the only other songs in the book I know the words to are Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus" and the Cardigan's "Love Fool". I somehow convince myself to sign up for the latter, perhaps figuring that it's late in the evening, and they'll never get to me. They do. So, I figure, what the hell.

Debaser: This goes out to all the perverts, stalkers, and statuatory rapists in the audience...

By the time I finish my final growling, angry chorus of "I can't care about anything but you", the place has gone dead silent. Everyone is just staring, blank-faced. I throw my hands up triumphantly, and we leave the bar (undertipping, natch) to head to some after-hours place as the chick after me sets in on some country-western toon.

A couple beers, and one subtle copped feel later, I'm back here, posting a story none of you care about. But, damn, it's been a glorious evening.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Jul 12, 2003 12:02 am

Love Fool??! Love Fool?!!? And you growled it? That's hilarious.

I'm trying to picture the scene exactly, but geez... That's got a nice 50/50 mix of liquid comedy and choking bile in the punch bowl of my imagination.

Do these places keep their song lists updated pretty well? The last time I tried to kareoke it was about three years ago and the song list was about seven years old. I think I did "Naked" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

Afterwards, a friend of mine who thinks that waitresses actually want to get involved with people they encounter at their job was trying to "hook me up." The only thing I hate more than my friend trying to get an obviously uninterested regular girl to talk to us is when he tries to get an obviously uninterested professional to talk to us. The waitress in question stated that she likes the song "Hotel California," and that, boy, every guy who ever wanted anything to do with her had best be singing that song. But I could tell that she hated that song and hated the people who sang it and hated the people who sang it because they thought they were going to get points. At some point the actual title of the song that I sang came out, and you would have thought that the Goo Goo Dolls had put down something called "Menstral Pie" or something on track three rather than "Naked" based on her reaction.

But what kind of stupid bitch doesn't know that the Goo Goo Dolls had a song called that?

... I think we undertipped in that venture as well.

Violet · Post by **Violet** » Sat Jul 12, 2003 5:00 am

I've never been to a karaoke bar, though I have done karaoke. I was at a spaghetti dinner at my church. They thought good entertainment would be to have the church goers get up and sing. Most of the people who did were about 70 to 80 years old and they did old songs like Danke Schoen.

My sister and I decided to sing the song "It's so unusual" by Tom Jones. We had seen it in the book and thought it would be a good joke song to do. There has been a running gag that I like Tom Jones when I don't. We started to sing the song and realized we didn't know any of the lyrics. Fumbling our way through it till we got to the part of the song we knew, the chorus. The chorus wasn’t exactly how I remember it either. Probably because we just used to make up words to the song. It was an utter flop and I haven't done karaoke since.

Debaser · Post by **Debaser** » Sat Jul 12, 2003 7:36 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Love Fool??! Love Fool?!!? And you growled it? That's hilarious.

I'm trying to picture the scene exactly, but geez... That's got a nice 50/50 mix of liquid comedy and choking bile in the punch bowl of my imagination.

The thing I've always loved about Love Fool is how essentially desperate, pathetic, and downright creepy the protagonist comes across in the lyrics, which are being sung by a hot Swedish chick with a pretty voice to a poppy beat. So, I was trying to bring that aspect of the song to the fore. Plus, I can't sing. But I don't think anyone got my artistic vision, there. Ah, well. At least I scared off the fat girl who had taken to hitting on Raf.

Do these places keep their song lists updated pretty well? The last time I tried to kareoke it was about three years ago and the song list was about seven years old.

This place had that new Nirvana song that was floating around the internet a year or so back, so they can't be that far behind. But most people seem to go to kareoke bars to sing kitsch 70's and 80's songs, so I doubt there's a great imperitive for staying on top of things.

But what kind of stupid bitch doesn't know that the Goo Goo Dolls had a song called that?

I didn't.

Violet wrote:My sister and I decided to sing the song "It's so unusual" by Tom Jones. We had seen it in the book and thought it would be a good joke song to do. There has been a running gag that I like Tom Jones when I don't. We started to sing the song and realized we didn't know any of the lyrics. Fumbling our way through it till we got to the part of the song we knew, the chorus. The chorus wasn’t exactly how I remember it either. Probably because we just used to make up words to the song.

Actually, I think that's "It's not Unusual", which I guess proves your point.

It was an utter flop and I haven't done karaoke since.

While I have a friend (or a friend of a friend, really) with a great singing voice who actually does kareoke well, the twin keys to having fun with it for the rest of us (and by "us" I mean the species) are:

1. Drunkenness
2. Contempt for the audience.

Fortunately, a kareoke bar will generally provide you with ample opportunity to develop both. Case in point: When Raf got up to do his rendition of "Army", the aforementioned fat girl and her table of drunken wildebeasts decided to sing along loudly enough to nearly drown out the man with the mic. Only, get this, they changed the chorus to "I've been drinkin' a lot today[/i]." Every time. Hurr.

I'd suspect that annoyance at my own drunken stupidity that night gave someone else the courage to go up and perform, and so the Circle of Life continues.

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 5:59 pm

I dated a guy who got up and sang 'Stand By Your Man' in a death metal growl at the neighborhood bar around the corner, and while nobody else seemed drunk enough to appreciate the innate humor in such a situation, I most definitely WAS drunk enough to take my bra off and throw it up onto the stage for him to retreive. Epilogue, the next day that bar called me and offered me a FULL TIME position as bartender, which I accepted. Epilogue the II, 2 weeks later I get fired because I wasn't 'the same Vitriola' they had hired to begin with. This goes down in history as perhaps the only time anyone has ever been fired for NOT being drunk at work. Epilogue the III, the only time I ever went to that bad afterwards I ended up getting high up in the restaurant portion of the bar and helping someone install a railing and a mirror in the main room. Fucked up place.

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 6:14 am

When I think about karioke well I initially forget how to spell it. Though after that confusion with "another stupid fucking K word" I'd think the only song I realisitically could sing (as in it being there) is Radar Love. Nothing else. That shakes me to my very core.