What's in it for me if I get married?

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Tdarcos
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What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Tdarcos »

I'll have to tell a little story about what is happening in my life. A few weeks ago, one of the female aides, whose name is Paulina, claimed she is in love with me and wants to get married.

Now a different aide. Bryma, says he wants to take me to China. I point out to him that is not a good idea, because of the country's bad practices and the descent back into Mao Zedong's style of brutal repression. I mean, we both know he's kidding.

And I know, if a woman told me she'd fallen in love with me under this sort of circumstnce, that she'd be kidding. So I took Paulina's claim she wanted to get married as a joke. So, I said this is unlikely for me because I would have to "sample the merchandise" first. My roommate Les knew exactly what I meant, and I expected her to understand how ridiculous that requirement is. Here's why.

I have incontinence, at least to the extent I no longer have control of my bowels. This means I wear a diaper. I can hold my water and use a urinal, which means since I have to have access to my genitals, because, remember, I'm lying flat on my back in a hospital bed; to get the liquid into the urinal requires it encapsulate my penis. So the diaper's straps cannot be fastened, it has to remain open. Now, I also have phymosis, or "collapsed penis" in which the penis falls back into its base, leaving the head stuck within the skin, the way a turtle's head falls back into its shell. This combination of using a diaper, not being able to fasten it shut, and phymosis, means anyone who can see me I'm basically naked from the waist down.

Now, since any of the aides visiting me, and especially those cleaning me and changing my diaper are clearly able to see my collapsed penis, Therefore, I would expect her to realize there is no way I could have sex with her, therefore "sampling the merchandise" would obviously be impossible.

But, apparently she wasn't kidding about her feelings. She also claims - something I find a bit hard to believe - that she never looked at my genitals. Well, she got mad at me. Not that she's not going to do her job, just that she is unhappy about the whole thing, I decided to try and let her see why the request was ridiculous from the start, by asking one simple question.

What do I get out of it? Or, in simpler terms, why should I want to get married? What benefits do I receive? Marriage has to be a two-way street; there have to be benefits for both parties. Otherwise, it's not marriage, it's slavery and/or exploitation.

To no surprise on my part, she really could not come up with any reasons. She was also unhappy at the fact I wanted a reason. She probably never thought of that. Then again, she wanted to get married to me, so her thought processes are probably not that advanced anyway. :wink:

And the married men here are not going to like this, but today, marriage and divorce laws are so biased to favor women and penalize men, that too often marriage can be a huge risk, at least for a man, such that the risks are too high. I encourage you to watch the following video - it's only 15 minutes - then answer one question:

Is there anything the man talking said (and possibly the man reacting) that was Wrong?

"Baby, I was afraid before
I'm not afraid, any more."
- Belinda Carlisle, Heaven Is A Place On Earth

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Casual Observer »

This is a bit right? You're doing a bit

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by pinback »

You get married so she'll stop bitching about wanting to get married. That is the main reason to get married.
Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes.

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

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Subscribed and bookmarked.

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by AArdvark »

Wow, that video makes them all sound like bitches.

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by AArdvark »

She wants to marry you then take out a life insurance policy. Then one night when you're asleep she'll get all Annie Wilkes on you and pull the plug!

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

I like marriage but it's work but to be honest, it's less work than not being so.
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Flack
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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Flack »

Paul, one of a few things is happening here:

01. This woman is kidding or teasing you, and you have misinterpreted her playful flirting as a serious proposal.

02. This woman is actually proposing to you. In this bizarro cuckoo scenario, somehow she has even less to gain than you do. Her advances almost assuredly break moral and ethical codes where you are living. It might even be illegal. Has she said these things in front of other employees? Have you mentioned to someone in charge that one of the employees is proposing marriage to you? This has the very real possibility of getting her fired and you kicked out of that place.

03. You have found the one woman on the planet who is turned on by broken computers, tablets, and external hard drives.
"I failed a savings throw and now I am back."

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by pinback »

Flack wrote: Thu Oct 19, 2023 5:28 am 03. You have found the one woman on the planet who is turned on by broken computers, tablets, and external hard drives.
And who isn't into romantic walks.
Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes.

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Tdarcos
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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Tdarcos »

Flack wrote: Thu Oct 19, 2023 5:28 am Paul, one of a few things is happening here:

01. This woman is kidding or teasing you, and you have misinterpreted her playful flirting as a serious proposal.
No, because unless she is also kidding now. she is clearly upset that I did not take her seriouisly.
Flack wrote: Thu Oct 19, 2023 5:28 am 02. This woman is actually proposing to you. In this bizarro cuckoo scenario, somehow she has even less to gain than you do.
Well, if she's not a citizen she'd be able to get a marriage visa.
Flack wrote: Thu Oct 19, 2023 5:28 am Her advances almost assuredly break moral and ethical codes where you are living.
I'm not sure how you get that. I don't think it qualifies as sexual harassment, if for no other reason than I never in any way indicated it bothers me, because it doesn't. I thought it was cute, myself.
Flack wrote: Thu Oct 19, 2023 5:28 am It might even be illegal.
The rules on sexual harassment make it clear, it is the repeated use of unwanted sexual or romantic inquiries or statements that makes it harassment. The reason it must be repeated is that people very often find romantic partners or future spouses at work. If you can't even privately ask a co-worker once, if they'd like to go out on a date, and if they say no, never ask them again, for a lot of people, this overly restrictive requirement might make it impossible to ever be able to meet someone in a social setting. I really think most unmarried females would not be offended if a co-worker asked them out, once. As long as they never did so again if told no.

Now, maybe there are issues because I'm a patient, and she's an aide, but the most common case is when a patient falls for one of their aides.
Flack wrote: Thu Oct 19, 2023 5:28 am Has she said these things in front of other employees?
Yes.
Flack wrote: Thu Oct 19, 2023 5:28 amHave you mentioned to someone in charge that one of the employees is proposing marriage to you?
I'm not going to 'narc' on anyone here unless they do something serious like mistreatment or assault. I mean, I joke with the aides all the time; when being changed, one of the female aides would ask me to "take off your clothes," either because I'm getting a sponge bath and/or a clean gown. I'd do so, but respond with, "usually that's what a man says to a woman." I'd get a few snickers out of that - small laughs, not the candy bar - whereupon they'd start saying "you know what to do."
Flack wrote: Thu Oct 19, 2023 5:28 am This has the very real possibility of getting her fired and you kicked out of that place.
Why would it affect me? I didn't do anything. Further, for reasons I explained in the prior thread "I Will Make This My Hill to Die On," I seriously doubt they would kick me out, especially when I committed no misconduct.
Flack wrote: Thu Oct 19, 2023 5:28 am 03. You have found the one woman on the planet who is turned on by broken computers, tablets, and external hard drives.
I do not have any broken tablets, all my computers (4 of them) work, and they wouldn't even know what an external hard drive is.
"Baby, I was afraid before
I'm not afraid, any more."
- Belinda Carlisle, Heaven Is A Place On Earth

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Flack
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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Flack »

It's morally and ethically repugnant of her to propose marriage to someone in her care. It is not illegal for managers to date subordinates, and yet it is frowned upon by (let me check) every company on the planet. Teachers can legally date 18 year old students and there's not a school district that wouldn't fire them immediately for doing so. Obviously you know this is unacceptable behavior or you wouldn't be worried about "narc'ing." And if you don't think telling your caregivers that you want to "sample their goods" is misconduct then... wow.

I fall for this every time, thinking you are willing or even capable of understanding these things. Here's my challenge to you -- reach out to a few people outside that nursing home and not on the BBS and find someone who thinks this is a good idea. Go to a website that knows what HIPPA stands for or what Vulnerable Adult Abuse is and ask them if this is ethical, moral, or legal behavour on her part. I'll sit back and wait for that to happen.
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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Is she capable of holding a camera for more cooking videos?
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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by AArdvark »

Mutant Ninja Phymosis Turtles!

It's NOT a kids cartoon show

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Casual Observer »

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Tdarcos
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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Tdarcos »

Casual Observer wrote: Fri Oct 20, 2023 12:31 pm Image
You seem to be misunderstanding me. I did not ask her to marry me, I didn't ask her for anything, therefore she did not 'deny' me anything. If I'm not interested in buying a new car, but despite the fact I have almost no money and no use for one, some car salesman proceeds to tell me he can put me into a brand-new Cadillac and will guarantee financing, I don't take him seriously, exactly how is it that when the car dealer is insulted because I thought he was kidding and withdraws the offer, that he has chosen to 'deny' me something? You can't be "denied" something you were not interested in, didn't want, or could not use in the first place.

All of the characteristics you ascribed to me, morbidly obese, missing half a leg, and living in a nursing home are spot on. So exactly how, when some pretty aide who is aware of all these things, says "we're gonna get married" as if it was a fait accompli, do I take that seriously?

Les says she's attracted to my personality. Maybe because I am unfailingly polite. I might not always remember to say 'please' when I make requests, I almost always say thank you when someone does something for me. But seriously, that's not enough to hang something as serious as marriage on. Presuming I was even interested in getting married in the first place, which I was not.

I told Les that I'm glad I didn't take her seriously, in which case I might have tried to let her down easy by lying to her and saying I could not marry a black lady. (I remember at least one lady I took out on a date happened to mention she really could not date a black man.) That would have branded me a racist, not a good thing to be (or even to be thought of) in a facility of mostly black employees. Besides that, I don't consider lying to be a good idea; it's too easy to forget the lies you have told.
"Baby, I was afraid before
I'm not afraid, any more."
- Belinda Carlisle, Heaven Is A Place On Earth

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Casual Observer »

Did nobody get the "What about Bob" reference?

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Jizaboz »

Casual Observer wrote: Sat Oct 21, 2023 9:28 am Did nobody get the "What about Bob" reference?
LOL
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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Casual Observer wrote: Sat Oct 21, 2023 9:28 am Did nobody get the "What about Bob" reference?
I did not. What is that?
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by Casual Observer »

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: Mon Oct 23, 2023 7:24 am
Casual Observer wrote: Sat Oct 21, 2023 9:28 am Did nobody get the "What about Bob" reference?
I did not. What is that?
Wow, you've missed a few movies, huh.

Pinback, you're a Jaws lover, please tell me you've seen another funny Richard Dreyfuss movie??


(I was going to explain the reference but apparently the scene I'm referencing must have been mostly improv because one of the best lines in the movie isn't in the script)

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Re: What's in it for me if I get married?

Post by pinback »

I saw it many years ago, but do not recall any of the particulars.

Was it as funny as Jaws?
Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes.

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