Food Review, Apartment #L201

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Timely Simple Slop: I am really hoping that those Car Bomb Guys martyr a few more Irish so that we get extra holidays. The Timely Simple Slop was EXCELLENT. Lots of pepper in it (well, the spice, not the vegetable).

(Actually, that reminds me -- was anyone shittier at their job than Chris Columbus back in the 15th Century? He really was a fucking moron. I can't imagine having a conversation with him. He was determined to find Indians, so when he reached North America he was all like "ROFL, Indians!! Haw haw!" He wanted to find the spice 'pepper' and bring it back, but he couldn't, so he just labelled those green, orange and red vegetables 'peppers.' He's the kind of guy that ruins employee self-evals for the rest of us. Like that old bat of a Queen back in Spain wouldn't have figured out his ruse. "Hmm, we had contracted you to bring back some black, crumbly spice-like shit. Instead you brought back large orange vegetables. Do you take me for a moron, Chris? I am the QUEEN OF SPAIN. I didn't fuck my way into this position, you know, I studied horticulture and alchemy for six years, so that's Dr. Mrs. Queen of Spain Ph.D to you, fag.") STATUS: POSITIVE.

Poundcake: Dayna obtained some eggs from some co-workers of hers, so we threw half of them into a poundcake. The first one came out well. The second one didn't, because we split the recipe up and I misjudged what "half" of the flour & sugar contents were. Whoops. STATUS: POSITIVE, for the first one, NEGATIVE for the second.

Curry: Twice in the last week Dayna made curry, and it was great both times. I have tried to make it, and I have cut some corners. For instance, I've taken to throwing all the major ingredients into an aluminum can marked "FOOD SEASONING" and then just drop it into a skillet with some pork and bamboo shoots. It's quite tasty. Look, I can't be bothered to "simmer" shit. STATUS: POSITIVE.

Crystal Light: I drink Crystal Light because I believe in me. I didn't read the instructions, and put too much water in, making it about as weak as Scotsman's stillborn albino. I somehow have failed to cook up a slightly worse-tasting Kool-Aid equivalent. STATUS: NEGATIVE.

[Vitriola]

I want to make the chicken paprikash next, I just need all the spices that go into it.

The same co-worker that got me the farm eggs could also get me some goat's milk, so I thought I'd find a recipe for Norwegian black metal cheese and make an omelette from that this weekend.

[Worm]

I want to make the chicken paprikash next, I just need all the spices that go into it.

The main thing I remember from making it was the turkish paprika which is just like paprika+ I guess.