Banning Caffeinated Alcoholic Drinks

Tdarcos · Post by **Tdarcos** » Sat Nov 20, 2010 4:40 pm

The FDA has issued an order to four caffeinated alcohol beverages saying how it claims they are illegal and subject to confiscation.

The FDA reportedly* stated that the use of caffeine in these products keeps people alert and thus violates their right to pass out in a pool of their own vomit, which is what is supposed to happen when you go on a bender or start binge drinking.

--
* No reports actually said this, I just made up this half of my article.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Nov 20, 2010 4:43 pm

They already took all the Four Loko from my public liquor store. Took the whole goddamn shelf out!

This is a goddamn outrage!!

SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Sat Nov 20, 2010 7:10 pm

Then again, it's not like making your own caffeinated/alcoholic drink is all that complicated -- just buy a caffeinated drink and some alcohol and mix them. It ain't like cookin' meth or anything.

This is the equivalent of the FDA banning those pre-made PB&J sammiches.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:51 am

Flack wrote:Then again, it's not like making your own caffeinated/alcoholic drink is all that complicated -- just buy a caffeinated drink and some alcohol and mix them. It ain't like cookin' meth or anything.

This is the equivalent of the FDA banning those pre-made PB&J sammiches.

FOURLOKO TASTED LIKE WATERMELON JOLLY RANCHERS YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:54 am

Did they really?

Of course not, it's a metaphor. I can't drink anything with alcohol and caffeine. It gives me instant headache. The booze shrinks up the blood vessels and the caffeine makes my heart beat faster. Plus I have never had an energy drink that would even taste good as a mixer.

THE
BLEAH!
AARDVARK

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Sun Nov 21, 2010 10:14 am

pinback wrote:FOURLOKO TASTED LIKE WATERMELON JOLLY RANCHERS YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD

Watermelon jolly ranchers dissolved into 9 parts Steel Reserve 1 part Paint Thinner, you mean. Which is still fucking leagues above most shit. Anyway pinner it's going to be coming back without any caffeine in it.

The FDA page has a really good rundown of everything about the ban http://www.fda.gov/Food/FoodIngredients ... 190366.htm

Basically they declared that adding caffeine to alcohol is an unsafe food additive, because there aren't enough studies to prove it ISN'T and a white girl died.

A Troubling Mix

According to data and expert opinion, caffeine can mask sensory cues that people may rely on to determine how intoxicated they are. This means that individuals drinking these beverages may consume more alcohol—and become more intoxicated—than they realize. At the same time, caffeine does not change blood alcohol content levels, and thus does not reduce the risk of harms associated with drinking alcohol.

right, loss of sensory cues are why your girl gets 4 sheets to the wind and gets date raped.

Tdarcos · Post by **Tdarcos** » Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:39 am

Worm wrote: Basically they declared that adding caffeine to alcohol is an unsafe food additive, because there aren't enough studies to prove it ISN'T and a white girl died.

1. This violates the typical practice in legal circles; an action is lawful in the absence of a statute declaring it otherwise. Regulatory agencies, I have noticed, generally presume everything is prohibited unless allowed, a big difference.

2. I remember how the History Channel pointed out in an episode of Modern Marvels about mixed drinks, that a number of people order a drink mix of Red Bull and vodka.

3. Would the FDA declare Irish Coffee to be illegal?

js · Post by js » Mon Nov 22, 2010 9:20 am

Ugh, watermelon's the worst flavor by FAR... although by the end of the can it isn't nearly as grating as the first couple sips.

It's all about the grape. I had 2 last night. Didn't rape anybody, kill anybody, went to sleep at a normal hour. Didn't even throw up, although that could be explained by the nearest Jack in the Box being a comfortable 2 states away.

js · Post by js » Mon Nov 22, 2010 10:58 am

I guess it's not officially grape. The purple one. Loko Uva or whatever is head and shoulders above the rest (if'n ya like dandruff, that is)

Sucks, they're going to do the same thing to 4Loko as they did to Sparks. Pull the shit off the shelves, take all the balls out of it and re-release the halfass new formula while charging the same price for it.

1 Sparks used to be PERFECT for my lunch break. Just enough alcohol to give a slight buzz and the caffeine/energy shit was just what the Dr. ordered to get through the rest of the work day.

I didn't realize they had removed the caffeine from it until I realized that they weren't working anymore; I was falling asleep instead of being "picked up"... I was bamboozled by Sparks.

I guess, you could also NOT drink ANY alcoholic beverages on your lunch break, but who the hell wants to do that?!?!

zork · Post by **zork** » Mon Nov 22, 2010 11:54 am

http://www.phusionprojects.com/media_reformulation.html

bullshit. have some self-respect and just stop making the product or at least rename it.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Wed Nov 24, 2010 9:28 am

Speaking of which, i see you can still buy cans of Cocaine energy drink. I thought they were going to have to change that one, too.

Bugs · Post by **Bugs** » Tue Nov 30, 2010 6:37 pm

Back when I was in college, we got our caffeinated alcohol the old fashioned way: Rum and coke.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:59 am

I saw the article about the alcoholic whipped cream that's out now. Which, by the way, we (the human race) are stupid for not inventing like a hundred years ago. Seriously, I don't know how long whipped cream has been around, but like that same day, someone should have figured out how to make it contain alcohol. We as human beings have been slacking.

But now it seems to me, problem solved. Put alcoholic whipped cream on your coffee and BA-BOOM.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:27 pm

I stayed at my girlfriend's last night. She made a pot of coffee for me, but she does not have any CoffeeMate in her fridge. Unlike me, however, her fridge contains vegetables and real food. Wholesome, delicious food.

"Wholesome, delicious food." -- The Suspended manual, Infocom

She did have RediWhip, however, and I might have submerged the tip into the coffee and let loose. Like it was a submarine. Or a depth charge. Whatever paints the better picture.

I decided to no longer take sugar in my coffee, in order to get my triglycerides down. The cream is next, but baby steeeeps.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 7:26 pm

I don't mind black coffee, but the wife likes it with five shots of Splenda so when she orders I get it the same way (life's easier that way).

I've all but give up vanilla iced coffees from McDonald's. Even the sugar-free ones are around 150 calories. I love them so, but it's counter productive right now.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:26 am

Oh! I meant to add that I've got cream for everyone's coffee right here.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:31 am

You can consider that *my* Thanksgiving door prize.

::fingerguns

Bugs · Post by **Bugs** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 6:00 am

I can understand why people like some sort of milk and sweetener in their coffee. It must feel so right, like your first training bra. Or tampon.