Jolt Country Brings Out The Worst In Me(Still 100% MY Fault)

[Billy Mays]

the cretinous reprobates that infest the place apparently consider me to carry every mental disease or condition starting with the letter "A" including Asperger's syndrome and autism.

I am pretty sure everyone there ruled out anorexia.

[Tdarcos]

the cretinous reprobates that infest the place apparently consider me to carry every mental disease or condition starting with the letter "A" including Asperger's syndrome and autism.

I am pretty sure everyone there ruled out anorexia.

Damn, I hadn't thought of that. Would have been funnier if you said amenorrhea.

[Billy Mays]

the cretinous reprobates that infest the place apparently consider me to carry every mental disease or condition starting with the letter "A" including Asperger's syndrome and autism.

I am pretty sure everyone there ruled out anorexia.

Would have been funnier if you said amenorrhea.

No, it wouldn't be.

That's because you not shoveling entire turkeys down your gullet for more than 5 seconds is more implausible than a man developing any sort of menstruation issues.

[Tdarcos]

No, it wouldn't be.

That's because you not shoveling entire turkeys down your gullet for more than 5 seconds is more implausible than a man developing any sort of menstruation issues.

Either you're Pinback pulling a Lester Snow (he knows what this reference means) or you're getting too exposed to his level of sadistic bastardy. You're going from humorously funny teasing like Don Rickles to nasty rude commentary like Pinback.

You need to dial it back, you're starting to become unfunny and cruel.

[Billy Mays]

You need to dial it back, you're starting to become unfunny and cruel.

Well, now is as good of a time as any to go full circle:

Tdarcos: Sorry about the things I said to you that were uncalled for, I did not mean them, mainly I just misinterpreted the general vibe of the board, but that does not excuse what I said, or my own guilt in saying it. I am sorry.

[Tdarcos]

You need to dial it back, you're starting to become unfunny and cruel.

Well, now is as good of a time as any to go full circle:

Tdarcos: Sorry about the things I said to you that were uncalled for, I did not mean them, mainly I just misinterpreted the general vibe of the board, but that does not excuse what I said, or my own guilt in saying it. I am sorry.

Just realize, there is a fine line between playful teasing and being insulting. The ones you did before, were gross exaggerations and I thought were hilarious.

The one I criticized you about, I felt, was far too personal and mean spirited. The thing is, I know that they fit these categories although if you pinned me down, I couldn't exactly say why I felt so badly about the last one.

The other messages you used where you spoke about me in grossly exaggerated terms, I got it, they were funny, and they didn't bother me. This one did, and I'm not sure why.

[Billy Mays]

shoveling entire turkeys down your gullet

You need to dial it back, you're starting to become unfunny and cruel.

The other messages you used where you spoke about me in grossly exaggerated terms, I got it, they were funny, and they didn't bother me. This one did, and I'm not sure why.

So let me get this straight:

I told you to go fist fuck yourself with your mayonnaise lubed arm, then I thought "man, I took things too far there", and apologized, and then you tell me that it didn't bother you, and I need to soldier on.

So then I go on a week long tirade making fun of a disabled elderly man who has a long list of very serious life threatening health issues, that the one health issue he doesn't have is the one where you starve yourself, that he is forced to live in a complete shithole in an urban hellscape because his situation prevents him from obtaining meaningful employment, who shits in a bucket when he has the strength to do so, and on the carpet when he doesn't, who manipulated a complete stranger into delivering infinity candy bars to his mini fridge, who voraciously consumes junk food and sugary drinks nonstop because it is the one thing in his life that he has complete control over, and then I wrote a "text adventure" where the hero of the story breaks into your apartment and uses your only means of transportation to destroy your only means of communication....and after all of that...you said how very funny it all was, and how you enjoyed reading it.

Then I mention that you may have a penchant for butterball turkeys, and THIS is what bothers you? THIS is where I crossed the line?

I am totally confused by this...I think it is time for a new Poll.

[Flack]

I think the difference is that some of the people on this forum have known Tdarcos for two decades, whereas you just showed up out of the blue and decided to write a series of hateful, vitriol-filled messages completely unprovoked toward someone you don't even know.

He may be a pain in the ass, but he's our pain in the ass. Sometimes you love the one you're with, even when you hate them. Relationships are complicated. We love you, Tdarcos. And hate you.

I'm not making this better, am I.

[pinback]

whereas you just showed up out of the blue and decided to write a series of hateful, vitriol-filled messages completely unprovoked toward someone you don't even know.

Yeah, and he did it to Paul, too!

[Billy Mays]

I think the difference is that some of the people on this forum have known Tdarcos for two decades, whereas you just showed up out of the blue and decided to write a series of hateful, vitriol-filled messages completely unprovoked toward someone you don't even know.

Well, that settles it:

I vow to never say another bad thing about Tdarcos.

[pinback]

Alright, switch it back to me, then. I'm pretty goddamn fat, too.

[Billy Mays]

Alright, switch it back to me, then.

That is the problem here, pinback, I shouldn't switch it back to anyone. Flack is right, I have made a series of vile and unforgiveable statements about people that I don't even know, and who just didn't deserve it at the end of the day.

From here on out: It will just be the positive thinking Billy Mays.

[Tdarcos]

I was typing a response to this message before, and I was starting a sentence with the letter "W", only I used the CTRL key instead of the Shift key. So I have discovered that CTRL W closes the window you're using.

Son-of-a-fucking-bitch!

I got it, they were funny, and they didn't bother me. This one did, and I'm not sure why.

So let me get this straight:

I told you to go fist fuck yourself with your mayonnaise lubed arm, then I thought "man, I took things too far there", and apologized, and then you tell me that it didn't bother you, and I need to soldier on.

Yeah, I did. While I don't remember the arm thing and I'm sure you wrote it, what you wrote was funny and didn't bother me. For some reason I'm not sure why, this last one did.

So then I go on a week long tirade making fun of a disabled elderly man

Now that's insulting, buddy. I'm only 55. If I was 20 years older, yeah, that's elderly. Maybe even 10. But not yet. Hey, with the drugs the doctors give me I don't really feel older than when I was 35. I feel fine.

who has a long list of very serious life threatening health issues, that the one health issue he doesn't have is the one where you starve yourself, that he is forced to live in a complete shithole in an urban hellscape

Excuse me, I live in a nice neighborhood in Maryland about 4 miles OUTSIDE of Washington, DC. NOT inside. If I move back into DC, then we can talk about hellholes, or shitscapes.

because his situation prevents him from obtaining meaningful employment,

Yeah, and when they announce a career fair for the disabled, where companies and public agencies will be out looking, my one good eye decides to sabotage itself, leaving me functionally blind, then low and behold, after a couple of months it clears up.

who shits in a bucket when he has the strength to do so,

Excuse me, I do not shit in a bucket. I pee in a bucket. Well, actually, I pee in a cup and then pour the cup into a bucket, but it's the same thing.

If I was able to shit in a bucket, which would require I am in some manner able to move myself off the bed, and squat over it, I could shit in the toilet.

The only reason I use a bucket is because of logistics. Now, say, I go to bed, and then, 3 to 5 hours later, I wake up because my bladder is full. So now, I would have to move myself over to the chair, unplug the charger, drag myself onto the chair, belt myself into the chair, roll over towards the bathroom. move the fan out of the way, roll into the bathroom, pull my pants down, pee in a cup I have there for that reason, dump the cup into the toilet, pull my pants back up, roll back towards my bed, put the fan back, roll over to the bed, unbuckle the seat belt, reconnect the charger, roll out of the chair, slide myself back to my pillows and go back to sleep. Minimum time is 10 to 20 minutes. And I'm having to do this half asleep

As opposed to, move to the edge of the bed, pull my pants down, pee into the cup, dump the cup into the bucket, then pull my pants up, slide over and go back to sleep. Minimum time is 45 seconds.

Now note that I did not mention washing my hands. In this particular case, I don't have to. I've handled only the plastic cup, I never touch the liquid or my penis, and I will not be touching any food. Now, in the morning or whatever time I get up, I get in my wheelchair, take the bucket to the toilet, dump it, rinse out the bucket, dump it again, wash my hands, and put the bucket back.

But I do not shit in a bucket. Besides, I wear diapers in case I have a diarrhea incident. They help.

As a Christian, you of all people should remember the commandment not to bear false witness against your neighbor!

and on the carpet when he doesn't,

My room and bathroom are stone tile. I do not have and have never had a carpet (or rug) in my room. (Over on Caltrops I reported how I filed no less than three claims with American Express over my dropping and shattering Android tablets. When you're in a wheelchair it's easy to snag the charge cord.)

who manipulated a complete stranger into delivering infinity candy bars to his mini fridge,

I had the landlord remove the mini fridge when I put my second computer in. That was five years ago.

By the way, I can get food delivered by Giant-Landover or Safeway. I know of no place that delivers candy bars. Now maybe Giant or Safeway does, (I've never ordered them) but there is a limit of 10 of any one item. Not infinity.

who voraciously consumes junk food and sugary drinks nonstop because it is the one thing in his life that he has complete control over,

Oh please, it is not "nonstop." At worst it's every 15-30 seconds; I do take time to breathe. Out of my mouth.

and then I wrote a "text adventure" where the hero of the story
Bzzzt! Sorry, thanks for playing, and we have some nice parting gifts for you.

Listen, fella, any story I am in, I am "the hero," at best the other guy is the protagonist.

breaks into your apartment and uses your only means of transportation to destroy your only means of communication....and after all of that...you said how very funny it all was, and how you enjoyed reading it.

Yeah, I know. I got that it was parody and I did think it was funny. The one you did about me stuffing things - or not stuffing, I forget - down my gullet seemed mean in comparison. And I don't know why I felt that way. Maybe it's just subjective. I feel that I should be able to express some sort of reason why that particular one bothered me.

Then I mention that you may have a penchant for butterball turkeys, and THIS is what bothers you? THIS is where I crossed the line?

Yeah, and I have no idea why. Although I do have a thanksgiving turkey story which I think is funny. (The story will be provided if someone requests it.)

I am totally confused by this...I think it is time for a new Poll.

You're not the only one confused. I don't know why it bothered me while all the other things I thought were hilarious.

[Flack]

I know of no place that delivers candy bars.

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss ... candy+bars

[pinback]

Welp, now you've done it.

RIP Tdarcos.

[Tdarcos]

I know of no place that delivers candy bars.

[Provides reference to Amazon.com

Okay, so I was wrong. But there's one small problem here.

Are you kidding me? Did you see the prices? The stuff has to account for shipping and it's, oh, at least 3-5 times what you pay in a grocery store and that's overpriced.

I hadn't thought of Amazon even though I buy lots of stuff from them. But one time I wanted to see, and yeah, they sell soft drinks. A two liter bottle that I can buy for $1 to $1.50 in my local store is $6 after shipping.

They have a quote for that kind of pricing: "It's like buying cigarettes at an airport."

[Billy Mays]

While I don't remember the arm thing

While I would never write something so hurtful nowadays, this is what I was referring to:

I am hoping this clears up a few things:

1. Cover the full length of your arm in mayonnaise.

2. Think about everything you have ever posted on this forum.

3. Proceed to violently ram your arm where the sun doesn't shine until your shoulder makes contact with your buttocks.

Although I do have a thanksgiving turkey story which I think is funny. (The story will be provided if someone requests it.)

Paul, I would really love to here your thanksgiving turkey story.

[pinback]

Although I do have a thanksgiving turkey story which I think is funny. (The story will be provided if someone requests it.)

Paul, I would really love to here your thanksgiving turkey story.

And don't leave out any detail!

[Tdarcos]

Although I do have a thanksgiving turkey story which I think is funny. (The story will be provided if someone requests it.)

Paul, I would really love to here your thanksgiving turkey story.

And don't leave out any detail!

There is an episode of the TV show "Mad About You" where the couple is celebrating Thanksgiving and every time they go to do so, their turkey gets missing or they have to get rid of it, so they keep buying another turkey.

So - and since I could walk this happened over ten years ago - me and my brother went over to the Safeway in Alexandria to pick up the food for Thanksgiving. (At that time I was living over at my sister's place.)

So, anyway, we pick up everything, load it into the van, and take it home, unload everything, while my sister and (to a lesser extent) brother are busy making everything (my sister feels I'm too much in the way so she doesn't want my help, except for things I can do outside of the kitchen, like peel potatoes, etc.)

Well, she goes through and discovers we're missing a couple of items. This is almost mandatory for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, there's usually something she forgets. So I go back to the store and Bill decides to come along, I think he remembered something he wanted.

So I'm at the store picking up everything else, and my sister calls me on the phone to add one more thing, rolls or jellied cranberry sauce or something. then she mentions to me that the dogs knocked the turkey out of the oven and attacked it, and I'm reminded of the very incident in the movie, "A Christmas Story" where the Bumpass' dogs eat Ralphie's family dinner.

So, while I'm at Safeway, I pick up another 20 pound turkey,

When I get home, she's shocked. She was only kidding about the dogs getting the turkey! But she says, it doesn't matter, we'll just eat it during next week.

[Flack]

I know of no place that delivers candy bars.

[Provides reference to Amazon.com

Okay, so I was wrong. But there's one small problem here.

Are you kidding me? Did you see the prices? The stuff has to account for shipping and it's, oh, at least 3-5 times what you pay in a grocery store and that's overpriced.

I hadn't thought of Amazon even though I buy lots of stuff from them. But one time I wanted to see, and yeah, they sell soft drinks. A two liter bottle that I can buy for $1 to $1.50 in my local store is $6 after shipping.

They have a quote for that kind of pricing: "It's like buying cigarettes at an airport."

I'm not sure which exact item you looked at. The first one I saw on the page was 30 full size candy bars for $14.08 (47 cents each), and if you have Prime, it's free shipping.



What is your favorite chocolate bar, Paul?